LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 




* 'r^t--'' -i-, " 



i UNITED STATES OP AMERICA, t 




THE 



aRA.CE OF GOD 



MAGNIFIED: 



AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT 



7 

By H. E. TALIAFERRO, 

JUNIOR EDITOR OF THE S. W. BAPTIST, TUSKEGEE, ALA. 



By the grace of God I am what I am-"— Paul. 



CHARLESTON: 
OUTHBEN BAPTIST PUBLICATION SOCIETY; 

No. 229 King.Btreet* 

1857. 



IMSHIH^ 



u'^^ 



-^^^.s^^ 



^ 

A 



Entered according to x4ct of Congress, in the year 1857, 

BY THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST PUBLICATION SOCIETT, 

In the Clerk's Office of the Distrit Court of South* 
Carolina. 



CHARLESTON: 
fAHES AND WILLIAMS, PRINTERS, 
16 STATE STREET. 



PREFACE. 



The precious work of grace in my isoul, wrouglit by 
the Holy Spirit, and detailed in the following pages, 
was completed in June, 1851. Up to this time, I have 
related it to but few persons. I purposely concealed it, 
*' lest any man should think of me above that which he 
seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me." But the fe v 
to whom I have ventured to detail it, uniformly sug- 
gested its publication in some form. The passage, 
*' When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren," 
was often suggested as a reason; but no permanent im- 
pression was made on my mind to give it publicity, till 
May 185G, when I mentioned the subject to a friend, 
whose judgment I greatly respect, in a letter. He res- 
ponded, '' Write it out, by all means; — publish it. It 
will do good to souls, and lead to a deeper tone of piety." 

Prompted by such encouragement, and influenced by 
the motives presented in this extract, I commenced the 
narrative; aud at intervals, from pressing engagements, 
have completed it; and now I present it to God's people, 
hoping it may aid them in their pilgrimage. It claims 
no literary merit; of its defects in that regard, I am ful- 
ly aware. I have written it plainly, for all classes. The 
letters which I wrote during the time of my conflict, 
were not expected to be seen by any, but those to whom 



IV PREFACE, 

they were addressed. I have introduced them into these 
pages, with but little verbal alteration. I wished them 
to show the feelings of my heart at the time. The friend 
before alluded to, advised me in regard to the letters — 
" Let every word stay as you wrote it; for the thoughts 
came out as you felt them.^^ I now give this imperfect 
work into the hands of Him who wrought 'perfect zvork in 
my soul; and may He dispose of it as seemeth good iu 
His sight. 

H. E. T. 
Tusliiegee, Ala., Jan. Ist, 1857, 



INTRODUCTION. 



" Grace Magnified." I have just turned over the last 
leaf of this narrative, of a deeper work of grace on a 
believer's heart. I will not call it engaging ; lest the 
natural fondness for what is simply easy and pleasant, 
may lead the reader to expect entertainment in it. Yet, if 
the reader be one whose heart the Lord has touched, 
this narrative will be so far engaging, that having once 
taken it up, he will not spontaneously lay it down until 
he has finished its continuous and anxious perusal; and 
the subject will have left such an impression on his 
mind, that he will be engaged to pray and labor all the 
residue of life, that grace may be so magnified also in 
himself. 

There is a tendency in man, not peculiar to one age, 
to be superficial in religion — to heal the hurt slightly, 
*' saying peace, peace ", when there is no peace.'' While 
we have reason to expect that in the advanced gospel 
times, abounding in knowledge and the fruits of the 
Holy Spirit, the Redeemer will make a '' short tvork'' in 
the earth — it may be seriously inquired whether there are 
not tendencies to abbreviation and slightness sufficient 
to make the profesed subjection of some to the gospel 
of Christ fall short of true regeneration. When it does 



VI INTRODUCTION. 

occur, it is a fearful evil in the church of Christ; eluding 
and scorning a cure. 

Since the excellence of true religion is known and ad- 
mitted, it is not wonderful that there should be many 
imperfect and inadequate presentations of it. There will 
be those who will form their ideas of a soldier by seeing 
a uniform company in dress-parade on a May morning; 
or of the qualities necessary for an ancient eastern 
shepherd, (1 Sam. xvii. 34-36.) by the romantic image of 
ruddy-faced youths playing on instruments under the 
shade, while their flocks are quietly feeding near them. 

Quite as erroneously, and far more fatally, do many 
form ideas of religion. Without conviction at heart of 
sin, in its deep depravity and vileness, they have no 
travail, no struggles, no self-loathing, no utter abase- 
ment and self renunciation, no lying infinitely low be- 
fore God. Having no just conceptions of the eternal 
rectitude of God's law, its spirituality and extent — they 
see no aptness, nor any necessity, in that vast expendi- 
ture of redemption — '"God was manifest in the flesh," 
etc. 1 Tim. iii. 16. The conception they have of their 
case relatively to God, requires no such combination of 
majesty and grace, of sovereignty and condescension, as 
are seen in Christ — making Him the chiefest of ten 
thousand, and altogether lovely. They never have been 
slain by the law; and the gospel is received as a cold 
intellectuality, not as a life-giving influence. They look 
on Christ as an amiable exemplar, in relation to social 
life; but have no relish for that great, high, holy gentle- 
ness in which he bears our sins and carries our sorrows ^ 
and makes reconcilement of our great quarrel with our 



INTRODUCTION. VII 

Maker. Such delight as they take in religion is more a 
self-righteous complacency in their own exercises, than 
a profound, serene, adoring satisfaction in the great 
facts of the gospel. If they can but conceive well of 
their own personal share in the favor of God, they stop 
short of that generous and higher satisfaction reserved 
for those w^ho see such a beauty and glory in the person 
of Christ, and in the methods of mercy, as scarcely to 
admit the necessity of asking for their own personal in- 
terest in them. Satisfied with slender evidences of 
amendment, and of the undefined presence of some 
better thoughts and purposes, they do not struggle on, 
through the demands and clamors of God's perfect law, 
to plant themselves on the infinite satisfaction rendered 
by Christ — their "wisdom, their righteousness, their sanc- 
tification, their redemption." They know nothing of that 
deep and settled security in Christ, which those feel 
who "take hold of God-s covenant," who know nothing 
but Jesus Christ and Him crucified, and who, thus found 
in Him, receive a righteousness as theirs, not less per- 
fect than His — in all its amplitude and completeness. 
They conceive of themselves as having not much forgiven^ 
and they love not much. The blessedness of simple duty, 
and service; of doing what is meet and right to be done 
agreeably to the holy mind of God, they but faintly 
conceive of, and never realize. 

Now, not to speak of the dmirjer of such, it is obvious 
that they fall far below their privileges in Christ. The 
narrative before us is specially interesting, as showing, 
in a recent instance, what is attainable. This it does 
without superstition or fanaticism. It lays claim to no 



Vlll INTRODUCTION. 



new revelation, but leads us safely on in the footsteps 
of the faith of the Bible saints, who have finished their 
course with joy. It has no alliance to the pretended re- 
vealments of an effete spiritualism. The word of God, in 
its plain and sober interpretation, is here shown, invest- 
ed with its appropriate living efiQcacy, leading a soul to 
Christ; in whom believing, though now he sees him not, 
he rejoices with a joy unspeakable and full of glory. 

If this be the proper effect of believing all God^s word, 
why should not all feel it? Christ may well ask now, as 
formerly—'' Do ye now believe?" But I will not de- 
tain the reader further from the perusal of the narative, 
*' Thou that dwellest in the gardens, the companions 
hearken to thy voice: Cause me to hear it .'" 

B. MANLY. 

Charleston, S. C, Jan. 23, 1857. 



■ 



THE GRACE OP GOD MAGNIFIED, 



In November, 1831, through faith, God re- 
vealed his Son to me, a poor sinner. I was 
happy in the Lord Jesus, and rejoiced in the 
God of'my salvation. Prompted by duty and 
gratitude, I united with his people, and was 
baptized in the month following. I commenced 
in a feeble way to exercise a gift, which my 
ascended and glorified Master had given me, 
in the Spring of 1832. And from that day to 
this, I have been, according to the Grace of 
God given unto me, testifying to saint and 
sinner, '* the gospel of the Grace of God." 

But, reader, it is not my intention in this 
narrative, to give you an account of my tra- 
vel, trials, conflicts, joys and pleasures from 
the day of my new creation to the present 
hour; but to give you a plain and truthful ac- 
count of the grace of God bestowed on me, 
after many years. In 1851, God in mercy and 



10 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

grace, wrought a work in my heart, wliich 
''my soul hath still iu remembrance and is 
humbled in me." 

In a few days after the Divine Spirit, whose 
right it is, took of the things of Christ and 
showed them unto me, I was violently assault- 
ed with doubts and fears as to my acceptance 
with God; which annoyed me greatly till I 
was relieved by other manifestations of my 
acceptance in the Beloved. But my untiring 
Adversary never forsook me long at a time; 
and I was harassed with perplexing doubts 
and fears and sceptical suggestions for up- 
wards of twenty years. True — during this 
long period I had seasons of precious enjoy- 
ment, and often wondered why I so needless- 
ly doubted my Saviour's love to me, and my 
union with him through faith. But "the clouds 
would soon return after the rain'' — clouds of 
darkness, gloom and horror — that unfitted me 
fur the effective discharge of my ministerial 
duties, and destroyed my enjoyment as a 
Christian. Instead of obeying the command, 
''Comfort ye, comfort ye, my people," I needed 
some "son of consolation" to "strengthen my 
weaks hands and to confirm my feeble knees;" 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGi^IFIED. 11 

to say to my ''fearful heart, be strong, fear 
not." 

In 1848 my fears were greatly aroused by 
reading a sketch of a sermon by Andrew Ful- 
ler, at the ordination of a minister of the gos- 
pel. Mr. Fuller was insisting upon the ne- 
cessity of personal piety and spirituality in 
the minister, as essential to his happiness as 
a Christian, his success as a minister of Jesus, 
and to his everlasting salvation. As the pa- 
ragraph is not long, I will transcribe it. 

*'A remark which I once heard from the 
lips of that great and good man, the late Mr. 
Abraham Booth, has often recurred to my re- 
collection. 'I fear/ said he, 'there will be found 
a larger proportion of wicked ministers than 
of any other order of professing Christians.' 
It did not occur to me at the time, nor has it 
ever appeared since, that this remark proceed- 
ed from a want of charity, but rather from a 
deep knowledge of the nature of Christianity, 
and an impartial knowledge of men and things. 
It behoves us, not only as professing Chris- 
tians, but as ministers, 'to examine ourselves, 
whether we be in the faith.' It certainly is 
possible, after we have preached to others, 
that we should he cast away I I believe it is 



12 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

very common for the personal religion of a 
minister to be taken for granted, and this 
may prove a temptation for him to take it for* 
granted too. Ministers being wholly devoted 
to the service of God, are supposed to have 
considerable advantages for spiritual improve- 
ment. These they certainly have; and, if 
their minds be spiritual, they may be expected 
to make greater proficiency in the divine life 
than their brethren. But it should be re- 
membered that, if they are not spiritual, those 
things which would otherwise prove a help 
will prove a hindrance. If we study divine 
subjects merely as ministers^ they will produce 
no salutary efiect. We may converse with 
the most impressive truths, as soldiers and 
surgeons do with blood, till they cease to 
make any impression upon us. We must me- 
ditate upon these things as Christians^ first 
feeding our own souls upon them, and then 
imparting that which we have believed and 
felt to others; or, w^hatever good we may do 
them, v/e shall receive none ourselves. Unless 
we mix faith with what we preach as well as 
what we hear, the word will not profit us. It 
may be on these accounts that ministers, 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 13 

while employed in watching over others, are 
BO solemnly warned against neglecting them- 
selves : ' Take heed unto yourselves^ and to all 
the flock etc' ' Take heed unto thyself, and 
unto the doctrine; continue in them, for in 
doing this thou shalt both save thyself and 
them that hear thee.' " 

In reading the foregoing, the thought that 
so overwhelmed me was this: I saw that I had 
up to that time, studied the Bible too much 
as a professional man does his books, to learn 
what to say and do to others; and not as a 
Christian should, to digest its truths, imbibe 
its spirit, and apply them first to myself. This 
I saw had been the great error of my minis- 
terial and Christian life; and it had never 
occurred to me before. The suddenness of the 
the discovery and the awfulness of the prob- 
ability that, upon a close examination, I might 
find myself an unconverted man, filled me with 
confusion and alarm. My conscience re- 
proached me sorely for my past neglect in a 
matter so obvious. I saw that I had been 
diligent in cultivating the vineyards of others, 
but had given mine own to the rank growth 
of briars and thorns, *'which is rejected and 
2 



14 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be 
burned." 

1 immediately betook myself to beart-search- 
ing examination and prayer. I also read the 
word of God with a quickened interest, and 
allowed it to speak with its mighty energy to 
ony own heart. The result in a short time was 
painful. My views of the depri^vity and sin- 
fulness of my heart and nature were greatly 
enlarged; and the striking contrast between 
my impurity and the purity of the divine 
character covered me with shame and self- 
abhorrence. Added to this, were the stringent 
demands of the holy law of God which I could 
not meet, and which greatly increased my 
perturbation of soul. In the contemplation of 
these things, I lost sight of Christ as my 
sacrifice for sin, and the Mediator betwixt a 
holy God and my poor depressed soul. One 
look at him by faith would have relieved me; 
but it seemed to be the pleasure of God that 
I should be sifted, as I now hope, for the bene- 
fit of his dear children. 

For some time *'my tears were my meat day 
and night," and I kept up the importunate and 
anxious inquiry with my soul, **Where is thy 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 15 

God?'' In this- state of mind, and in this 
course of conduct, I continued for some time, 
discharging my duties as a minister of the 
holy Jesus with great fear and trembling, oc- 
casionally experiencing a little light and coin- 
fort through the exercise of a weak faith in 
the Lord Jesus, until with great caution and 
secresy I laid my case fully and frankly before 
an able, pious and experienced minister of the 
gospel for his opinion and advice. He, in a 
candid and faithful manner instructed me, and 
pointed me to Christ, his sacrifice for my sins, 
his righteousness for my clothing, his media- 
tion as the basis of my acceptance with God, 
the Father, and to the Holy Spirit as my 
Banctifier. This he did so eloquently and 
clearly, that my faith laid hold of it, and I 
was comforted for some time. 

But I relapsed again: My doubts and fears 
returned with increased numbers, and with a 
more terrible energy. The increased know- 
ledge I had obtained of the holy character of 
God, by a prayerful investigation of his word; 
and the deeper insight which it gave me of 
the sinfulness and depravity of my heart, 
when contrasted, greatly increased my fear 



16 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

and anxiety of soul. Added to this, was the 
alarming thought of an unconverted man 
being a minister of the gospel — an unholy 
man ministering in holy things! The fearful 
doom of Korah, Dathan and Abiram, and of 
Nadab and Abihu, sons of Aaron, loomed up 
before me in all its terribleness. I read it and 
re-read it. So concerned was I upon the sub- 
ject, that I examined many commentators to 
get their views, and among the number, Scott; 
and when I read the frank confession which 
he took occasion to make, of entering the 
ministry in an unconverted state, knowingly, 
my mind was by no means relieved. As it is 
a link in the chain of my narrative; and as it 
displays the mercy and grace of God in a 
most striking manner, I will transcribe it 
also: 

*'One dreadful effect of this depravity 
(speaking of the depravity of heart that in- 
fluences some men to enter the sacred ministry 
without being converted or called to the work 
by the Holy Spirit) is the daring presumption, 
with which numbers intrude into the sacred 
ministry, from the base motives of covetous- 
ness and ambition, and love of ease or in- 



THE GBACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 'T 

dulgence, without any suitable disposition, 
without any love for the work, or delight in it, 
any zeal for the honor of God, or any deep 
compassion for the souls of perishing sinners. 
Yet will such men dare to say, in the most 
solemn manner before God and his congrega- 
tion, that they judge themselves ^moved by 
the Holy Ghost to take this work upon them-/ 
they are not only conscious of hypocrisy in 
this declaration, but deride the very inquiry 
as enthusiasm. Of such conduct the author 
himself was guilty; and, to the end of his 
days, would he be abased before God on ac- 
count of it; and admire and adore the patience 
and loving kindness of the Lord, that, instead 
of being visited after the manner of Korah, it 
pleased God to give him repentance and for- 
giveness; and to employ him in the work of 
the ministry, wiiji some small degree of use- 
fulness; %r where sin abounded, grace hath 
much more abounded.' And he mentions this 
bumilitating subject, not only that the pious 
reader may bless God in his behalf; but that 
he may hope and pray earnestly and constantly 
for others, -who lie under the same guilt, 
that they may experience the same grace. — 



18 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

'For our God hath mercy on whgm he will 
have mercy.' ^' 

While I did not regard my case as analo- 
gous to that of Mr. Scott's — for I joined the 
Church of Christ prompted by pure motives, 
and entered the ministry from the same pure 
influences — yet I may not he a converted man , vras 
the thought which tormented me day and 
night. To be lost atjast as a professor; aud 
after having preached to others the gospel of 
Christ, to be deceived, and ^' be cast away" 
as a preacher, these were my troubles. Thus 
I continued with occasional gleams'* of light 
and hope till the winter of 1850-51, when 
my distress of mind became almost insup- 
portable. The more I examined my heart in 
the light of the holy law of God, the plainer 
my innate depravity appeared; and the more 
I examined the character of God as revealed 
in his word, the plainer my unfitness to ap- 
pear before him in a perfect righteousness was 
manifested. In the contrast, the disparity 
was overwhelming to my soul. I had such 
clear views of the holiness and justice of God 
and such deep views of the depravity of my 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 19 

heart and the sinfulness of my nature, that I 
often uttered, in deep anguish, Job's inquiry, 
*'How shall a man be just with God?'' 

In this state of mind I would often go into 
the pulpit, and feel that I should be preached 
to, instead of preaching to others; and that I 
was " the chief of sinners" in the congrega- 
tion. I did not feel guilty of having commit- 
ted those overt acts of wickedness condemned 
by the word of God, and the common con- 
science of mankind; for such things I greatly 
abhorred, and my awakened and trembling 
conscience would not allow me to connive at 
them. But my thoughts were wicked, and 
my imagination and whole being I regarded 
as corrupt before a holy God. As I have 
stated, often did I preach in this gloomy, des- 
pairing state of mind; sometimes in pointing 
sinners to Christ, I would lose sight of my 
vile, sinful self, and look at him whom I was 
commending to others, and thus be relieved 
and quite happy. But as soon as I would sit 
down, the pall of darkness would fall upon 
me with increased weight, not unfrequently 
with the horrid temptation, that there was no 
reality in the doctrine I had preached. Often 



20 AS EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

was my vanity approached by the suggestion, 
that I would better spend my time and devote 
my talents and energies to some pursuit in 
in which there was a reality^ in which there 
were honor and profit. It was further sug- 
gested that it would be well to let my mem- 
bership remain in a Christian Church as I was 
already there, inasmuch as morality was a good 
thing any way; and i/ there was any futurity, 
it would be decidedly best to pursue that 
course. But such thoughts were so horrid to 
my soul, that I expelled them as soon as pos- 
sible. 

I would at times unbosom myself to judicious 
Christian people, but they could give me no 
comfort; for they never seemed to think that 
I was serious upon the subject. As I was a 
preacher, they took it for granted that I must 
be a Christian, and of course that my doubts 
must be unreasonable. And when I would 
mention the subject to preachers, they would 
either chide me for my unbelief or confound 
me with reasoning. Still, these things brought 
no solid comfort to my soul. When I prayed, 
it was, in my estimation, as a poor, polluted, 
guilty sinner approaching a holy God, and I 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 21 

felt that I should not be heard. A full and 
clear view of Christ was still concealed from 
me. 

In the year 1851, I served two churches as 
pastor. I commenced my year's labor with 
the feelings above described. But a crisis 
had arrived in my religious history. Some- 
thing must be done. The intolerable burden, 
I could bear no longer. My happiness and use- 
fulness as a Christian, (if I was one) and as 
a minister of Christ, were involved in the set- 
tlement of the question; am I a Christianl 
I resolved, by the help of God, to settle that 
hitherto perplexing question; and while the 
investigation was going on, I determined 
never to mention it to a human being, lest 
they should administer comfort to me, when I 
was not entitled to it. I saw that it was a 
matter pending between God and my own 
soul, and we were the parties to settle it. 
But, before I commenced the investigation, as 
I had purposed, it turned out in the provi- 
dence of God, that I read " Elijah the Tish- 
BiTE," by Krummacher, and was overpowered 
with the deepest emotions in reading the fol- 
lowing incident. Though lengthy, I will give 



22 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

it in full; hoping it will be blessed to the 
awakening of some soul now sleeping in car- 
nal security, or some deceived one. 

'' There was, some years ago," says Mr, 
Krummacher, of Elberfeld, in the Valley of 
Barmen, Prussia, *' not far from this place, a 
very gifted preacher, who for several years 
preached with great earnestness and success, 
the doctrine of the cross; but who, on that 
very account, was violently opposed. One of 
his opponents, a well informed person, who 
had for a long time absented himself from the 
church, thought, one Sunday morning, that he 
would go and hear the gloomy man once more; 
to see w^iether his preaching might be more 
tolerable to him than it had been heretofore. 
He went; and that morning the preacher was 
speaking of the narrow way, which he did 
not make any narrower or broader than the 
Word of God describes it. ^A new creature 
in Christ, or eternal condemnation,^ was the 
theme of his discourse; and he spoke with 
power, and not as a mere learned reasoner. 
During the sermon, the question forced itself 
upon this hearer's conscience, ^ How is it with 
myself? Does this man declare the real truth? 



V 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNII'IED. 23 

If he does, what must inevitably follow from 
it? This thought took such a hold upon him^ 
that he could not get rid of it amidst any of 
his engagements or amusements. But it 
became, from day to day, more and more trou- 
blesome; and threatened to embitter every 
joy of his life; so that, at last, he thought he 
would go to the preacher himself, and ask him 
upon his conscience, if he were convinced of 
the truth of that which he had lately preach- 
ed. He fulfilled his intention, and went to the 
preacher. 'Sir,' said he to him, with great ear- 
nestness, *I was one of your hearers when you 
spoke, a short time since, of the only way of 
salvation. I confess to you that you have dis- 
turbed my peace of mind, and I cannot refrain 
from asking you solemnly before God, and 
upon your conscience, if you can prove what 
you asserted, or whether it was an unfounded 
alarm?' The preacher, not a little surprised 
at this address, replied with convincing cer- 
tainty, that he had spoken the Word of God, 
and consequently, infallible truth. * What, 
then, is to become of us^^ replied the visitor. 
His last word, us^ started the preacher; but 
he rallied his strength, and began to explain 



24 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

the plan of salvation to the inquirer, and to 
exhort him to repent and believe. But the 
latter, as though he had not heard one word 
of what the preacher said, interrupted him in 
the midst of it, and repeated, with increasing 
emotion, the anxious exclamation, ^ If it be 
truth, sir, I beseech you, what are we to do?' 
Terrified, the preacher staggered back. 'Wei' 
thought he, 'what means this weP and endeavor- 
ing to stifle his inward uneasiness and embar- 
assment, he resumed his exhortations and ad- 
vice. Tears came into the eyes of the visitor; he 
smote his hands together like one in despair, 
and exclaimed in an accent, that might have 
moved a heart of stone, ' Sir, if it be truth, 
we are lost and undone !' The preacher stood 
pale, trembling and speechless. Then over- 
whelmed with astonishment, with down cast 
eyes and convulsive sobbings, he exclaimed, 
* Friend, down on your knees, let us pray 
and cry for mercy!' They knelt down, and 
prayed; and shortly afterwards the visitor 
left. The preacher shut himself up in his 
closet. Next Sunday, word was sent that the 
minister was unwell, and could not appear. 
The same thing happened on the Sunday fol- 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 25 

lowing. On the third Sunday, the preacher 
made his appearance before his congregation, 
worn with his inward conflict, and pale, but 
his eyes beaming with joy, and commenced 
his discourse with the surprising and affecting 
declaration, that he had now, for the first time, 
passed through the strait gate. You will 
ask, what had occurred in his chamber during 
the interval which had elapsed. A storm pass- 
ed over before him — but the Lord was not in 
the storm; an earthquake— but the Lord was 
not in the earthquake; afire — but the Lord 
was not in the fire. Then came a still small 
voice; on which the man enveloped his face 
in his mantle, and from that time knew ^vhat 
was the gospel, and what was grace." 

A diseased and melancholy man is apt to 
think that he has nearly every disease. He 
takes up a medical work to search for his dis- 
ease; he reads the symptoms of various com- 
plaints, and comes to the conclusion that he 
has a touch of them all. The condition of the 
preacher above described, I concluded was 
precisely my case. I had urged repentance 
upon others, but had never repented in a god- 
ly manner myself; I had insisted strenuously 
3 



2fe 



AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT* 



for the new birth in others, but I had nevef 
experienced it; I had directed others to Christ, 
but I had never seen him by a living faith. 
These thoughts, and others like them, pro- 
duced a settled gloom and melancholy upon 
my soul. I had no heart to pray, I was so 
utterly confounded. Nor had I the courage to 
investigate the subject, as I had just before 
this, intended. The adversary and ^'accuser 
of the brethren" assaulted me greatly at this 
point, and tantalized me with fiendish delight. 
'^ Where now is thy God? Where ngw are 
thy hopes and joys? Where are thy pros- 
pects of heaven? Pretty physician! laboring 
to heal others! Heal thyself." 

For some two months, I remained in this 
state of fear and despondency, utterly unable 
to help myself, and without the ability or 
courage to apply to God for help. Thus, in 
March, 1851, I went to one of my churches, 
and after I had preached, went home with a 
good brother, who, after he had conversed 
with me awhile, remarked that a colporteur 
had left some tracts at his house, one of which 
he was much pleased with, and he would 
hunt it up and let me read it. It "pleased me 
much, for I preferred any thing to conversa- 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 27 

tion, and solitude was my choice. The tract 
to which he alluded secDied to be misplaced, 
and while in search of it, he handed me ano- 
ther, with the remark, '' this is a very good 
one, which you can look at while I search for 
the other." I had always regarded tracts 
with comparative indifference, but I received 
it from the good brother, and vastly preferred 
it to conversation. I found it to be " The 
Conversion of President Edwards." I conclud- 
ed that a tract written by the great and the 
good Jonathan Edwards, ^* containing a sketch 
of his early religious history, and the distin- 
guishing operations of the Spirit in his pro- 
gress in the divine life," could and should in- 
terest any man. I read it with deeper, and 
with far different emotions, than I had ever 
read any other human production. I hope 
the reader will not consider it vain and ego- 
tistic in me, to publish a production of that 
great divine and metaphysician, in this narra- 
tive. It is an important link in my experi* 
ence, and was so instrumental in its produc- 
tion, that it cannot well be passed over. Be- 
sides, I cannot do my readers a better service 
than to give them the tract entire. 



28 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

CONVERSION 

OF 

PRESIDENT EDWARDS, 

FROM A NA.RRATIVE WRITTEN BY HIMSELF. 

I had a variety of concerns and exercises 
about my soul from my childhood; but had 
two more remarkable seasons of awakening, 
before I met with that change by which I was 
brought to those new dispositions, and that 
new sense of things, that I have since had. 
The first time was when I was a boy, some 
years before I went to college, at a time of 
remarkable awakening in my father's congre- 

NoTE. — President Edwards was born at "Windsor, Con., 
October 5, 1703; graduated at Yale College, September, 
1720; preached in New York, eight months in 1722-3; 
was appointed tutor at Yale College, September, 1724; 
ordained at Northampton, Mass., February 15, 1727; dis- 
missed, June 22, 1750; stationed as a missionary to the 
Indians at Stockbridge, August, 1751; where he wrote 
his Treatise on the Will; elected President of New Jer- 
Bey College, October, 1757; died March, 1758, aged 54. 
The above account of his religious exercises was found 
among his papers at his death, and is supposed to have 
been written at Northampton, when he was about forty 
years of age, for his own private advantage. 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 29 

gation. I was then very much affected for 
many months, and concerned about the things 
of religion, and my souVs salvation; and was 
abundant in duties. I used to pray five times 
a day in secret, and to spend much time in re- 
ligious talk with other boys; and used to 
meet with them to pray together. I experi- 
enced I know not what kind of delight in re- 
ligion. My mind was much engaged in it, 
and had much self-righteous pleasure; and it 
was my delight to abound in religious duties. 
I with some of my school-mates joined toge- 
ther, and built a booth in a swamp, in a very 
retired spot, for a place of prayer. And be- 
sides, I had particular secret places of my own 
in the woods, where I used to retire by myself; 
and was from time to time much afiected. My 
affections seemed to be lively and easily 
moved, and I seemed to be in my element 
when engaged in religious duties. And I am 
ready to think, many are deceived with such 
affections, and such a kind of delight as I then 
had in religion, and mistake it for grace. 

But in process of time, my convictions and 
affections wore off; and I entirely lost all 
those affections and delights and left off secret 



80 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

prayer, at least as to any constant performance 
of it; and returned like a dog to his vomit, 
and went on in the ways of sin. Indeed I was 
at times very uneasy, especially towards the 
latter part of my time at college; when it 
pleased God to seize me with a pleurisy, in 
which he brought me nigh to the grave, and 
shook me over the pit of hell. And yet, it 
was not long after my recovery, before I fell 
again into my old ways of sin. But God would 
not suffer me to go on with any quietness; I 
had great and violent inward struggles, till 
after many conflicts with wicked inclinations, 
repeated resolutions, and bonds that I laid 
myself under, by a kind of vows to God, 
I was brought wholly to break off all former 
wicked ways, and all ways of known outward 
sin; and to apply myself to seek salvation, 
and practice many religious duties; but with- 
out that kind of affection and delight which I 
had formerly experienced. My concern now 
wrought more by inward struggles and con- 
flicts, and self-reflections. I made seeking my 
salvation the main business of my life. But 
yet, it seems to me, I sought after a miserable 
manner; which has made me sometimes since 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 81 

to question, whether ever it issued in that 
which was saving: being ready to doubt, 
whether such miserable seeking ever succeed- 
ed. I was indeed brought to seek salvation 
in a manner that I never was before; I felt a 
spirit to part with all things in the world, for 
an interest in Christ. My concern continued 
and prevailed, with many exercising thoughts 
and inward struggles ; but yet it never seemed 
to be proper to express that concern by the 
name of terror. 

From my childhood up, my mind had been 
full of objections against the doctrine of God^s 
sovereignty, in choosing whom he would to 
eternal life, and rejecting whom he pleased; 
leaving them eternally to perish, and be ever- 
lastingly tormented in hell. It used to appear 
like a horrible doctrine to me. But I remem- 
ber the time very well, when I seemed to be 
convinced, and fully satisfied, as to this sove- 
reignty of God, and his justice in thus eter- 
nally disposing of m-en, according to his sove- 
reign pleasure. But I never couldgive an ac- 
count how, or by what means, I was thus con- 
vinced, not in the least imagining at the time, 
nor a long time after, that there was any ex- 



82 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

traordinary iDfluence of God's Spirit in it; but 
only that now I saw further, and my reason 
apprehended the justice and reasonableness of 
it. However, my mind rested in it; and it 
put an end to all those cavils and objections. 
And there has been a wonderful alteration in 
my mind, with respect to the doctrine of God's 
sovereignty, from that day to this; so that I 
scarce ever have found so much as the rising 
of an objection against it, in the most abso- 
lute sense, in God's showing mercy to whom 
he will show mercy, and hardening whom he 
will. God's absolute sovereignty and justice, 
with respect to salvation and damnation, is 
what my mind seems to rest assured of, as 
much as of any thing that I see with my eyes; 
at least it is so at times. But I have often, 
since that first conviction, had quite another 
kind of sense of God's sovereignty than I had 
then. I have often since had, not only a con- 
viction, but a delightful conviction. The doc- 
trine has very often appeared exceeding plea- 
sant, bright and sweet. Absolute sovereignty 
is what I love to ascribe to God. But my 
first conviction was not so. 

The first instance that I remember of that 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFED. 33 

sort of inward, sweet delight in God and di- 
vine things, that I have lived much in since, 
was on reading those words, 1 Tim. i. IT, Now 
unto the King eternal ^ immortal^ invisible^ the only 
wise God, he honor and glory for ever and ever, 
Amen. As I read the words, there came into 
my soul, and was as it were diffused through 
it, a sense of the glory of the Divine Being; 
a new sense, quite different from any thing I 
ever experienced before. Never any words of 
Scripture seemed to me as these words did. I 
thought with myself, how excellent a Being 
that was, and how happy I should be, if I 
might enjoy that God, and be rapt up to him 
in heaven, and be as it were swallowed up in 
him forever I I kept saying, and as it were 
singing over these words of Scripture to my- 
self; and went to pray to God that I might en- 
joy him, and prayed in a manner quite different 
from what I used to do; with a new sort of 
affection. But it never came into my thought, 
that there was any thing spiritual, or of a 
saving nature, in this. 

From about that time, I began to have a 
new kind of apprehension and idea of Christ, 
and the work of redemption, and the glorious 




84 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

way of salvation by him. An inward, sweet 
sense of these things, at times, came into my 
heart; and my soul was led away in pleasant 
views and contemplations of them. And my 
mind was greatly engaged to spend my time 
in reading and meditating on Christ, on the 
beauty and excellency of his person, and the 
lovely way of salvation by free grace in him. 
I found no books so delightful to me, as those 
that treated of these subjects. Those words, 
Cant. ii. 1, used to be abundantly with me, 1 
a VI the Rose of Sharon and tht Lily of theValleys. 
The words seemed to me, sweetly to represent 
the loveliness and beauty of Jesus Christ. 
The whole book of Canticles used to be plea- 
sant to me, and I used to be much in reading 
it, about that time; and found, from time to 
time, an inward sweetness, that would carry 
me away, in my contemplations. This I know 
not how to express otherwise, than by a calm, 
sweet abstraction of soul from all the concerns 
of this world; and sometimes a kind of vision 
or fixed ideas and imaginations, of being 
alone in the mountains, or some solitary wil- 
derness, far from all mankind, sweetly convei - 
sing with Christ, and rapt and swallowed up 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 35 

in God. The sense I had of divine things, 
would often of a sudden kindle up, as it were, 
a sweet burning in my heart; an ardor of soul, 
that I know not how to express. 

Not long after I first began to experience 
these things, I gave an account to my father 
of some things that had passed in my mind. 
I was pretty much affected by the discourse 
we had together; and when the discourse was 
ended, I walked abroad alone, in a solitary 
place in my father^s pasture, for contempla- 
tion. And as I was walking there, and look- 
ing up on the sky and clouds, there came into 
my mind so sweet a sense of the glorious ma- 
jesty and grace of God, that I know not how to 
express, I seemed to see them both in a sweet 
conjunction; majesty and meekness joined to- 
gether; it was a sweet, and gentle, and holy 
majesty; and also a majestic meekness; an 
awful sweetness; a high, and great, and holy 
gentleness. 

After this my sense of divine things gradu- 
ally increased, and became more and more 
lively, and had more of that inward sweetness. 
The appearance of every thing was altered; 
there seemed to be, as it were, a calm, sweet 



36 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

cast, or appearance of divine glory, in almost 
every thing. God's excellency, his wisdom; 
his purity and love, seemed to appear in every 
thing; in the sun, and moon and stars; in the 
clouds, and blue sky; in the grass, flowers, 
trees; in the water, and all nature; which 
used greatly to ^x my mind. I often used 
to sit and view the moon for continuance; and 
in the day, spent much time in viewing the 
clouds and sky, to behold the sweet glory of 
God in these things; in the mean time, sing- 
ing forth, with a low voice, my contempla- 
tions of the Creator and Eedeemer. And scarce 
any thing, among all the works of nature, was 
so sweet to me as thunder and lightning; for- 
merly, nothing had been so terrible to me. 
Before, I used to be uncommonly terrified with 
thunder, and to be struck with terror when I 
saw a thunder storm rising; but now, on the 
contrary, it rejoiced me. I felt God, so to 
speak, at the first appearance of a thunder 
storm; and used to take the opportunity at 
such times, to fix myself in order to view the 
clouds, and see the lightnings play, and hear 
the majestic and awful voice of God's thunder, 
which oftentimes was exceedingly entertain- 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 3T 

ing, leading me to sweet contemplations of 
my great and glorious God. While thus en- 
gaged, it always seemed natural to me to sing, 
or chant for my meditations- or, to speak my 
thoughts in soliloquies with a singing voice. 

I felt then great satisfaction, as to my good 
state; but that did not content me. I had 
vehement longings of soul after God and 
Christ, and after more holiness, wherewith my 
heart seemed to be full, and ready to break; 
which often brought to my mind the words of 
the Psalmist, Psal. cxix. 28, My soul breaketh 
for the longing it hath, I often felt a mourning 
and lamenting in my heart, that I had not 
turned to God sooner, that I might have had 
more time to grow in grace. My mind was 
greatly fixed on divine things; almost perpet- 
ually in the contemplation of them. I spent 
most of my time in thinking of divine things, 
year after year; often walking alone in the 
woods, and solitary places, for meditation, so- 
liloquy and prayer, and converse with God; and 
it was always my manner, at such times, to 
sing forth my contemplations. I was almost 
constantly in ejaculatory prayer, wherever I 
was. Prayer seemed to be natural to me 
I 



38 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

as the breath by which the inward burnings 
of my heart had vent. The delights which i 
now felt in the things of religion, were of an 
exceeding different kind from those before men- 
tioned, that I had when a boy; and what I then 
had no more notion of, than one born blind has 
of pleasant and beautiful colors. They were of 
a more inward, pure, soul-animating and re- 
freshing nature. Those former delights never 
reached the heart; and did not arise from any 
sight of the divine excellency of the things of 
God; or any taste^of the soul-satisfying and life- 
giving good there is in them. 

My sense of divine things seemed gradual- 
ly to increase, until I went to preach at New 
York, which was about a year and a half after 
they began, and while I was there I felt them, 
very sensibly, in a much higher degree than I 
had before. My longings after God and holi- 
ness were much increased. Pure and humble 
holy and heavenly Christianity, appeared ex- 
ceeding amiable to me. I felt a burning de- 
sire to be in every thing a complete Christian, 
and conformed to the blessed image of Christ; 
and that I might live, in all things, according 
to the pure, sweet and blessed rules of the 
gospel. I had an eager thirsting after pro- 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 39 

gross in these things; which put me upon 
pursuing and pressing after them. It was my 
continual strife, day and night, %nd constant 
inquiry, how I should he more -holy and live 
more holily, and more becoming a child of 
God and a disciple of Christ. I now sought 
an increase of grace and holiness, and a 
holy life, with much more earnestness than 
ever I sought grace before I had it. I used 
to be continually examining myself, and stu- 
dying and contriving for likely ways and 
means how I should live holily, with far greater 
diligence and earnestness than ever I pursued 
any thing in my life; but yet with too great a 
dependance on my own strength, which after- 
wards proved a great damage to me. My ex- 
perience had not then taught me, as it has 
done since, my extreme feebleness and impo- 
tence, every manner of way, and the bottom- 
less depths of secret corruption and deceit 
there was in my heart. However, I went on 
v/ith my eager pursuit after more holiness and 
conformity to Christ. 

The heaven I desired was a heaven of holi- 
ness: to be with God, and to spend my etern- 
ity in divine love and holy communion with 



40 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

Christ. My mind was very much taken Tip 
"with contemplations on heaven and the enjoy- 
ments there, and living there in perfect holi- 
ness, humility and love; and it used at that 
time to appear a great part of the happiness 
of heaven, that there the saints could express 
their love to Christ. It appeared to me a 
great clog and burden, that what I felt within 
I could not express as I desired. The inward 
ardor of my soul seemed to be hindered and 
pent up, and could not freely flame out as it 
would. I used often to think how in heaven 
this principle should freely and fully vent and 
express itself. Heaven appeared exceedingly 
delightful, as a world of love; and that all 
happiness consisted in living in pure, humble, 
heavenly, divine love. 

I remember the thoughts I used then to 
have of holiness, and said sometimes to my- 
self, ''I do certainly know that I love holiness, 
such as the gospel prescribes.^' It appeared 
to me that there was nothing in it but what 
was ravishingly lovely; the highest beauty 
and amiableness — a divine beauty; far purer 
than any thing here upon earth; and that 
every thing else was like mire and defilement 
in comparison of it. 



TEE GRACE OP GOD MAGNIFIED. 41 

Holiness, as I then wrote down some of my 
contemplations on it, appeared to me to be of 
a sweet, pleasant, charming, serene, calm na- 
ture; which brought an inexpressible purity, 
brightness, peacefulness, and ravishment to 
the soul. In other words, that it made the 
soul like a field or garden of God, with all 
manner of pleasant flowers; all pleasant, de- 
lightful, and undisturbed; enjoying a sweet 
calm and the gently vivifying beams of the 
sun. The soul of a true Christian, as I then 
wrote my meditations, appeared like such a 
little white flower as we see in the spring of 
the year; low and humble on the ground, 
opening its bosom to receive the pleasant 
beams of the sun^s glory; rejoicing, as it were, 
in a calm rapture; difi'using around a sweet 
fragrancy; standing peacefully and lovingly 
in the midst of other flowers round about; all 
in like manner opening their bosoms to drink 
in the light of the sun. There was no part of 
creature holiness, that I had so great a sense 
of its loveliness, as humility, brokenness of 
heart, and poverty of spirit; and there was 
nothing that I so earnestly longed for. My 
heart panted after this: to lie low before God, 



42 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

as in the dust; that I might be nothing, and 
that God might be all; that I might become 
as a little child. 

While at New York I was sometimes much 
affected with reflections on my past life, con* 
sidering how late it was before I began to be 
truly religious; and how wickedly I had lived 
till then; and once so as to weep abundantly, 
and for a considerable time together. 

On January 12, 1723, I made a solemn de- 
dication of myself to God, and wrote it down: 
giving up myself, and all I had to God; to be 
for the future in no respect my own; to act 
as one that had no right to himself, in any re- 
spect; and solemnly vowed to take God for 
my whole portion and felicity; looking on 
nothing else as any part of my happiness, nor 
acting as if it were; and his law for the con- 
stant rule of my obedience; engaging to fight, 
with all my might, against the world, the flesh, 
and the devil, to the end of my life. But I 
have reason to be infinitely humbled when I 
consider how much I have failed of answering 
my obligations. 

I had then abundance of sweet religious 
conversation in the family where I lived, with 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 43 

Mr. John Smith and his pious mother. My 
heart was knit in affection to those in whom 
were appearances of true piety; and I could 
bear the thoughts of no other companions but 
such as were holy, and the disciples of the 
blessed Jesus. I had great longings for the 
advancement of Christ^s kingdom in the world; 
and my secret prayer used to be, in great part 
taken up in prayings for it. If I heard the 
least hint of any thing that happened, in any 
part of the world, that appeared, in some re- 
spect or other, to have a favorable aspect on 
the interests of Christ's kingdom, my soul 
eagerly catched at it, and it would much ani- 
mate and refresh me. I used to be eager to 
read public news letters, mainly for that end; 
to see if I could not find some news favorable 
to the interests of religion in the world 

I very frequently used to retire into a soli- 
tary place, on the banks of Hudson's river, at 
some distance from the cit}^ for contemplation 
on divine things, and secret converse with 
God; and had many sweet hours there. Some- 
times Mr. Smith and I walked there together, to 
converse on the things of God; and our con- 
versation used to turn much on the advance- 



44 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

ment of Christ's kingdom in the world, and 
the glorious things that God would accomplish 
for his church in the latter days. I had then, 
and at other times, the greatest delight in the 
holy scriptures of any book whatsoever. — 
Oftentimes, in reading it, every word seemed 
to touch my heart. I felt a harmony between 
something in my heart and those sweet and 
and powerful words. I seemed often to see 
so much light exhibited by every sentence, 
and such a refreshing food communicated, that 
I could not get along in reading; often dwel- 
ling long on one sentence, to see the wonders 
contained in it; and yet almost every sentence 
seemed to be full of wonders. 

I came away from New York in the month 
of April, 1123, and had a most bitter parting 
with Madam Smith and her son. My heart 
seemed to sink within me at leaving the fami- 
ly and city where I had enjoyed so many 
sweet and pleasant days. I went from New 
York to Wethersfield by water, and as I sailed 
away, I kept sight of the city as long as I 
could. However, that night after this sorow- 
ful parting, I was greatly comforted in God 
at Westchester, where we went ashore to 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED, 45 

lodge, and had a pleasant time of it all the 
voyage to Saybrook. It was sweet to me to 
think of meeting dear Christians in heaven, 
where we should never part more. At Say- 
brook we went ashore to lodge on Saturday, 
and there kept the Sabbath, where I had a 
sweet and refreshing season, walking alone in 
the fields. 

After I came home to Windsor, I remained 
much in a like frame of mind as when at New 
York, only sometimes I felt my heart ready to 
sink with the thoughts of my friends at New 
York. My support was in contemplations on 
the heavenly state, as I find in my Diary of 
May 1, 1723. It was a comfort to think of 
that state where there is fulness of joy; where 
reigns heavenly, calm and delightful love, 
without alloy ; where there are continually the 
dearest expressions of this love; where is the 
enjoyment of the persons loved, without ever 
parting; where those persons who appea^^so 
lovely in this world, will really be inexpres- 
sibly more lovely and full of love to us. And 
how sweetly will the mutual lovers join to- 
gether to sing the praises of God and the 
Lambl How will it fill us with joy to think 



46 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

that this eDJoyment, these sweet exercises, 
will never cease, but will last to all eternity 1 

I continued much in the same frame, in the 
general, as when at Xew York, till I went to 
New Haven as tutor to the college, particu- 
larly once at Bolton, on a journey from Boston, 
while walking out alone in the fields. After I 
went to New Haven I sunk in religion, my 
mind being diverted from my eager pursuits 
after holiness by some affairs that greatly 
perplexed and distracted my thoughts. 

In September, 1125, 1 was taken ill at New 
Haven, and while endeavoring to go home to 
Windsor, was so ill at the North Village that I 
could go no further, where I lay sick for about 
a quarter of a year. In this sickness God 
was pleased to visit me again with the sweet 
influences of his Spirit. My mind was greatly 
engaged there in divine, pleasant contempla- 
tions and longings of soul. I observed that 
those who watched with me, would often be 
looking out wishfully for the morning, which 
brought to my mind those words of the 
Psalmist, and which my soul, with delight, 
made its own language. My soul waitethfor the 
Lord, more than they that watch for the morning, 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 47 

1 say, more than they that watch for the morning; 
and when the light of day came in at the win- 
dows it refreshed my soul from one morning to 
another. It seemed to be some image of the 
light of God's glory. 

I rememberj about that time, I used greatly 
to long for the conversion of some that I was 
concerned with; I could gladly honor them, 
and with delight be a servant to them, and lie 
at their feet, if they were but truly holy. But 
some time after this I was again greatly di- 
verted in my mind with some temporal con- 
cerns that exceedingly took up my thoughts 
greatly to the wounding of my soul, and went 
on through various exercises that it would be 
tedious to relate, which gave me much more 
experience of my own heart than ever I had 
before. 

Since I came to this town,"^ I have often had 
sweet complacency in God, in views of his 
glorious perfections and the excellency of 
Jesus Christ. God has appeared to me a glo- 
rious and lovely Being, chiefly on the account 
of his holiness. The holiness of God has al- 

* Northampton. 



48 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

ways appeared to me the most lovely of all 
his attributes. The doctrines of God^s abso- 
lute sovereignty, and free grace, in showing 
mercy to whom he would show mercy; and 
man's absolute dependence on the operations 
of God's Holy Spirit, have very often appeared 
to me as sweet and glorious doctrines. These 
doctrines have been much my delight. God's 
sovereignty has ever appeared to me, great 
part of his glory. It has often been my de- 
light to approach God, and adore him as a 
sovereign God, and ask sovereign mercy of 
him. 

I have loved the doctrines of the gospel; 
they have been to my soul like green pastures. 
The gospel has seemed to me the richest trea. 
sure; the treasure that I have most desired, 
and longed that it might dwell richly in me. 
The way of salvation by Christ has appeared, 
in a general way, glorious and excellent, most 
pleasant and most beautiful. It has often 
seemed to me, that it would in a great mea- 
sure spoil heaven, to receive it in any other 
V7ay. That text has often been affecting and 
delightful to me, Isa. xxxii: 2 — A man shall be 
a hiding place from the windj and a covert from the 
tempest^ etc. 





THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 49 

It lias often appeared to me delightful, to be 
united to Christ; to have him for my head, and 
to be a member of his body; also to have 
Christ for my teacher and prophet. I very 
often think with sweetness and longings 
and pantings of soul, of being a little child, 
taking hold of Christ, to be led by him through 
the wilderness of this world. That text, 
Matt, xviii: 3, has often been sweet to me, 
Except ye he converted^ and become as little children^ 
etc. I love to think of coming to Christ, to 
receive salvation from him, poor in spirit, and 
quite empty of self, humbly exalting him 
alone; cut off entirely from my own root, in 
order to grow into, and out of Christ; to have 
God in Christ to be all in all; and to live by 
faith on the Son of God, a life of humble, un- 
feigned confidence in him. That scripture has 
often been sweet to me, Psal. cxv: 1, Not unto 
us. O Lord^ not unto us, but unto thy name give 
glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth^s sake. — ■ 
And those words of Christ, Luke x: 21, In 
that hour Jesus rejoiced in spirit, and said, I thank 
thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that 
thou hast hid these thi7igs from the wise and pru- 
dentj and hast revealed ihevi unto babes; even so, 
5 



50 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

Father^ for so it seemed good in thy sight. That 
sovereignty of God which Christ rejoiced in, 
seemed to me worthy of such joy; and that 
rejoicing seemed to show the excellency of 
Christ, and of what spirit he was. 

Sometimes, only mentioning a single word 
caused my heart to burn within me; or only 
seeing the name of Christ, or the name of 
some attribute of God. And God has appear- 
ed glorious to me, on account of the Trinity. 
It has made me have exalting thoughts of 
God, that he subsists in three persons: Father, 
Son, and Holy Ghost. The sweetest joys and 
delights I have experienced, have not been 
those that have arisen from a hope of my 
own good estate; but in a direct view of the 
glorious things of the gospel. When I enjoy 
this sweetness, it seems to carry me above 
the thoughts of my own estate; it seems at 
such times a loss that I cannot bear, to take 
off my eye from the glorious, pleasant object 
I behold without me, to turn my eye in upon 
myself, and my own good estate. 

My heart has been much on the advance- 
ment of Christ^s kingdom in the world. The 
histories of the past advancement of Christ's 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 61 

kingdom have been sweet to me. When I 
have read histories of past ages, the pleasant- 
est thing in all my reading has been, to read 
of the kingdom of Christ being promoted. 
And when I have expected, in my reading, to 
come to any such thing, I have rejoiced in the 
prospect, all the way as I read. And my mind 
has been much entertained and delighted with 
the scripture promises and prophecies, which 
relate to the future glorious advancement of 
Christ^s kingdom upon earth. 

I have sometimes had a sense of the excel- 
lent fulness of Christ, and his meetness and 
suitableness as a Saviour; whereby he has 
appeared to me, far above all, the chief of ten 
thousands. His blood and atonement have 
appeared sweet, and his righteousness sweet; 
which was always accompanied with ardency 
of spirit; and inward strugglings and breath- 
ings, and groanings that cannot be uttered, to 
be emptied of myself, and swallowed up in 
Christ. 

Once, as I rode out into the woods for my 
health, in 173T, having aliglitod from my 
horse in a retired place, as my manner com- 
monly has been, to walk for divine contempla- 



52 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

tion and prayer, I had a view that for me was 
extraordinary, of the glory of the Son of God, 
as Mediator between God and man, and his 
wonderful, great, full, pure and sweet grace 
and love, and meek and gentle condescension. 
This grace that appeared so calm and sweet, 
appeared also great above the heavens. The 
person of Christ appeared ineffably excellent 
with an excellency great enough to swallow 
up all thought and conception — which con- 
tinued, as near as I can judge, about an hour; 
which kept me the greater part of the time in 
a flood of tears, aud weeping aloud. I felt an 
ardency of soul to be, what I knew not other- 
wise how to express, emptied and annihilated; 
to lie in the dust, and to be full of Christ alone; 
to love him with a holy and pure love; to 
trust in him; to live upon him; to serve and 
follow him; and to be perfectly sanctified and 
made pure, with a divine and heavenly purity. 

I have, several other times, had views of 
very much the same nature, and which have 
had the same effects. 

I have many times had a sense of the glory 
of the third person in the Trinity, in his office 
of Sanctifier; in his holy operations, commu- 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 53 

nicating divine light and life to the sonl. God, 
in the communications of his Holy Spirit, has 
appeared as an infinite fountain of divine 
glory and sweetness; being full, and sufficient 
to fill and satisfy the soul; pouring forth itself 
in sweet communications; like the sun in its 
glory, sweetly and pleasantly diffusing light 
and life. And I have sometimes had an affec- 
ting sense of the excellency of the word of 
God, as a word of life; as the light of life; 
a sweet, excellent, life-giving word; accom- 
panied with a thirstiugafter that word, that it 
might dwell richly in my heart. 

Often, since I lived in this town, I have had 
very affecting views of my own sinfulness 
and vileness; very frequently to such a de- 
gree, as to hold me in a kind of loud weeping, 
sometimes for a considerable time together; 
so that I have often been forced to shut myself 
up. I have had a vastly greater sense of my 
own wickedness, and the badness of m}' heart, 
than ever I had before my conversion.* It 

* Our author does not say, that he had more wicked- 
ness and badness of heart, since his conversion, than he 
had before; but that he had a greater 5e?zse thereof. — 
Thus a blind man may have his garden full of noxious 



54 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

has often appeared to me, that if God should 
mark iniquity ag*ainst me, I should appear the 
very worst of all mankind ; of all that have been 
since the beginning of the world to this time; 
and that I should have by far the lowest place 
in hell. When others, that have come to talk 
with me about their soul concerns, have ex- 
pressed the sense they have of their own 
wickedness, by saying that it seemed to them, 
that they were as bad as the devil himself; I 
thought their expressions seemed exceeding 
faint and feeble, to represent my wickedness. 
My wickedness, as I am in myself, has long 
appeared to me perfectly ineffable, and swal- 
lowing up all thought and imagination; like 
an infinite deluge, or mountains over my head. 
I know not how to express better what my 



weeds; and yet not see or be sensible of them. But should 
the garden be in great part cleared of these, and fur- 
nished with many beautiful and salutary plants; and 
supposing the owner now to have the power of discri- 
minating objects of sight; in this case, he would have 
less, but would see, and have a sense of more. To which 
may be added, that the better the organ, and clearer the 
light may be, the stronger will be the sense excited by 
sin or holiness. 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 65 

sins appear to me to be, than by heaping in- 
finite upon infinite, and multiplying infinite by 
infinite. Very often, for these many years, 
these expressions are in my mind, and in my 
mouth, *' Infinite upon infinite — Infinite upon 
infinite!'^ When I look into my heart, and 
take a view of my wickedness, it looks like 
an abyss infinitely deeper than hell. And it 
appears to me, that were it not for free grace, 
exalted and raised up to the infinite height of 
all the fulness and glory of the great Jehovah, 
and the arm of his power and grace stretched 
forth in all the majesty of his power, and in 
all the glory of his sovereignty, I should ap- 
pear sunk down in my sins, below hell itself; 
far beyond the sight of every thing, but the 
eye of sovereign grace, that can pierce even 
down to such a depth. And yet it seems to 
me, that my conviction of sin is exceeding 
small and faint; it is enough to amaze me, 
that I have no more sense of my sin. I know 
certainly, that I have very little sense of my 
sinfulness. When I have had turns of weep- 
ing for my sins, I thought I knew at the time, 
that my repentance was nothing to my sin. 

I have greatly longed of late for a broken 
heart, and to lie low before God; and, when 



56 AN EXPERBIENTAL TRACT. 

I ask for humility, I cannot bear the thoughts 
of being no more humble than other Christians. 
It seems to me, that though their degrees of 
humility may be suitable for them, yet it would 
be a vile self-exaltation in me, not to be the 
lowest in humility of all mankind. Others 
speak of their longing to be '' humbled in the 
dust;" that may be a proper expression for 
them, but I always think of myself, that I 
ought, and it is an expression that has long 
been natural for me to use in prayer, '* to he 
infinitely low before God." And it is affecting 
to think, how ignorant I was, when a young 
Christian, of the bottomless, infinite depths of 
wickedness, pride, hypocrisy and deceit, left 
in my heart. 

I have a much greater sense of my univer- 
sal, exceeding dependence on God's grace and 
strength, and mere good pleasure, of late, 
than I used formerly to have; and have ex- 
perienced more of an abhorrence of my own 
righteousness. The very thought of any joy 
arising in me, on any consideration of my own 
amiableness, performances, or experiences, or 
or any goodness of heart or life, is nauseous 
and detestable to me. And yet I am greatly 
afflicted with a proud and self-righteous spi- 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 5T 

rit, much more sensibly than I used to be 
formerly. I see that serpent rising and put- 
ting forth its head continually, everywhere all 
around me. 

Though it seems to me, that, in some re- 
spects, I was a far better Christian, for two or 
three years after my first conversion, than I 
am now; and lived in a more constant delight 
and pleasure; yet of late years, I have had a 
more full and constant sense of the absolute 
sovereignity of God, and a delight in that so- 
vereignty; and have had more of a sense of the 
glory of Christ, as a Mediator revealed in the 
gospel. On one Saturday night, in particular 
I had such a discovery of the excellency of 
the gospel above all other doctrines, that I 
could not but say to myself, '* This is my cho- 
sen light, my chosen doctrine;" and of Christ, 
*^ This is my chosen Prophet." It appeared 
sweet, beyond all expression, to follow Christ, 
and to be taught and enlightened and instruct- 
ed by him; to learn of him, and live to him. — 
Another Saturday night {Jammry, 1739) I had 
such a sense, how sweet and blessed a thing 
it was to walk in the way of duty; to do that 
which was right and meet to be done, and agree- 
able to the holy mind of God ; that it caused 



58 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

me to break forth into a kind of loud weeping 
which held me some time, so that I was forced 
to shut myself up, and fasten the doors. I 
could not but, as it were, cry out, *' How hap- 
py are they which do that which is right in 
the sight of God! They are blessed indeed, 
they are the happy ones!" I had, at the same 
time, a very affecting sense, how meet and 
suitable it was that God should govern the 
world, and order all things according to his 
own pleasure; and I rejoiced in it, that God 
reigned, and that his will was done. 
, — ^pt 

When I was through reading the foregoing 
narrative, I came to the following conclusion: 
/ avi either an unconverted man^ or 1 have not 
attained to the heights and depths, lengths and 
breadths of piety and spirituality , to ivhich Mr, 
Edwards attained; and, in either event, 1 must 
and will bestir myself, and attend to it from this 
moment. The good brother's favorite tract was 
not found, but the one which the Lord design- 
ed for me had done its work. I formed the re- 
solution above-mentioned, with more strength 
than usual; and felt that I had some assist- 
ance in its formation. And with it, also, came 



1 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 59 

a spirit of prayer, and some tenderness of 
heart and contrition of spirit. Before this my 
heart was hard as a stone, as dead and as 
cold. 

Lest some of the family should speak to 
me, and in order to strengthen my soul in its 
resolution, I retired to the grove, and prostra- 
ted myself before God in prayer. Upon my 
face in the dust I covenanted with God, that 
by his help I would become a converted man, 
if I was not already such; and if the investi- 
gation proved that I was a true believer in 
Jesus, I would strive to attain to the full as- 
surance of faith, hope and love, so that I 
should not forever be tossed to and fro, and 
driven by every thing that crossed my path- 
way. I had some freedom in prayer, and 
some faith in God that the matter would ter- 
minate one way or the other, soon. I cove- 
nanted also, that I would receive comfort from 
no human source. I returned to the house; 
read the Word of God, conversed some with 
the family, and after praj^er retired to my 
room with my mind greatly excited, and pray- 
ed often during the night. 

Next morning, I felt grateful that God had 



60 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

not cut me off in such a state of doubt and 
uncertainty in regard to my spiritual condi- 
tion. I betook myself to the grove, and re- 
mained there the most of the time till the 
hour to go to the house of God. Preaching 
under certain circumstances has often been a 
great cross, but I do not remember it to have 
ever been as heavy before. I will leave the 
reader to imagine my feelings in attempting 
to preach in such a state of mind. After ser- 
vices, I went home, strengthened in my reso- 
lution to carry out the pledges I had so sol- 
emnly made to my God and Saviour Jesus 
Christ. I went into a secret place that I had 
fixed upon as my place for evening prayer; 
and there, with the best heart that God was 
pleased to give me, I poured it out before the 
mercy seat of the Great King. But no relief 
came, after much time being spent in that 
solemn manner. Next da}^, early in the morn- 
ing, I selected a place in the grove for prayer 
and meditation, and offered up my morning 
sacrifice; but no answer came. At noon, the 
same place was resorted to, with the same 
poor success. At night, I went to the other 
consecrated spot, but no response came from 
the mercy seat. 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 61 

In addition to these set hours, morning, 
noon and night, for prayer, I often added 
other hours and moments, according to the 
anxiety I felt, and the opportunities I had 
from my pressing worldly engagements. The 
New Testament and Psalms I generally carried 
with me at my times of retirement. In that 
book I always read some portions before and 
after prayer, which I thought were most ap- 
plicable to my case. The result of all these 
efforts in secret, was an increase of anxiety 
upon the subject of my souPs salvation. I 
obtained no relief from them. My fears of 
being in a deceived and unconverted state in- 
creased daily. The holiness and purity of 
God, and the rigid demands of his law were 
revealed to my mind, as well as my depraved 
nature, my sinful and vile heart. Such views 
disheartened me greatly. But what should I 
do? Look in whatever direction I might, I 
was always shut up to one inflexible conclu* 
sion — 1 must he reconciled to that God of infinite 
holiness. But how was it to be done? was the 
perplexing question. True; I knew what the 
scriptures said on the subject; I believed it to 
some extent, and had taught it to others; but 
6 



62 Ai^ EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

to understand it, see it, believe it, experience 
it, and have it written and engraven on my 
heart, so as to know it, and settle the ques- 
tion as to my acceptance with God, beyond 
all doubt, was what I prayed for and sought. 
Nothing less than this, was I humbly bent on 
obtaining. 

Saturdays and Sundays were days I always 
dreaded. My reluctance to preach increased 
every week — every day, I may add. My re* 
luctance to preach increased in proportion to 
the increase of my doubts and fears. But I 
resolved to preach, if^for no other reason than 
to keep my condition from the public. When 
Sunday night came, and my imperfect labors 
were ended, I felt relieved of a burden of anx- 
iety that had preyed upon my soul, in a tell- 
ing manner, during all the services. My anx- 
iety to know what to say to the people before 
I began, my concern as to its effects upon 
them, and the ever-abiding concern for my 
own soul, were efforts of mind quite trying 
upon my nervous system. After my Sabbath 
night's secret prayer, and I had retired to 
rest, my soul was so wrought upon with 
shame and mortification, at my efforts in 



I 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 63 

preaching", and at my doubtful and uncertain 
condition before God, that rest and sleep de- 
parted from me. Monday was a day of lan- 
gour, dullness and lassitude of body and mind 
— a day of reproaches, settled gloom and hor- 
rid melancholy. 

About the middle of April, 1851, a minister- 
ing brother opened a correspondence with me 
on the subject of going with him to the Sou- 
thern Triennial Convention, to meet in Nash- 
ville, Tennessee, in May following. He be- 
lieved it in my power to go, and, therefore, 
urged it as duty. In my first reply I evaded 
his reasons for my going, for I disliked com- 
pany of any kind, and gave such excuses as 
my conscience would allow, for it was very 
tender. But my excuses were not satisfac- 
tory, and I was compelled to open my mind to 
him, to a great extent, before he would be 
satisfied. This I reluctantly did in a letter 
under date of April 22nd, 1851. As an extract 
from this letter will give the reader a better 
idea of my state of mind at that time than I 
possibly can at this date, I will give it, 
though not written with the least expectation 
that it would ever be published, or even be 



64 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

seen by any other person. After giving some 
reasons of a worldly nature, I approached the 
real cause, and said: 

*' You complain much of my not writing 
oftener. If you knew my state of mind, I know 
you would not blame me. I have had but 
little inclination to write on any subject for a 
good while past. The little I have to write 
that would interest you, I could soon write, 
and indeed have written it; but the subject 
upon which my heart dwells mostly, I fear 
would not interest you, or you might think I 
was foolish, melancholy, and in danger of the 
asylum. I will, however, venture to lay it 
somewhat before you, to enlist your sympa- 
thies; for if any man on earth needs your 
sympathies and prayers, I am that man. Do 
not, I beseech you, treat my case with indif- 
ference; pour no cold water on *^ the smoking 
flax," nor break the '^ bruised reed," but fan it 
to a flame if possible, and bind up and support 
the broken reed. 

'* Dropping figures, I am still, as I havQ^ 
often hinted to you, greatly troubled in spirit 
about my spiritual condition before God. 
Strange as it may appear to you, I greatly 



THE GRACE OP GOD MAGNIFIED. 65 

fear, half my time, that I am not a converted 
man. It has destroyed my energy of mind 
very much, and has prevented me from writ- 
ing articles for the press, and from corres- 
ponding privately with my friends on relig- 
ious subjects; and, on mere literary subjects, 
I have not had sufficient interest to even 
touch them. I have feared to mention my 
case to any of my brethren; lest they, from 
the good opinion they have of me, should ad- 
vise me to stop the investigation, and by that 
means settle me down in carnal security, and 
I should thereby lose my soul. And further, I 
do not believe that any one can settle that ques- 
tion for me; the Lord alone can decide it. My 
condition I regard as a peculiar one. I cannot 
pray in what I consider prayer; I cannot re- 
pent in what I regard to be repentance; I 
cannot believe in the scriptural sense of that 
term; I cannot love God with my whole heart, 
as he should be loved by a rational being; I 
cannot feel, nor do anything that a Christian 
ought to do, to glorify God. My heart -is as 
hard as a stone, and a tear never falls from my 
eyes; the fountains of my soul arc dried up; 
my soul is full of darkness and horror; and 




66 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

the Spirit of God seems to have forsaken me, 
and left me to grope my way in the dark, the 
balance of my days. * Wo is me! for lam 
undone.^ I get no relief from any source, nor 
in any service. 

*' I am like a sick person who reads a medi- 
cal book, when I read the bible. The sick pa- 
tient has every disease described by medical 
authors; so it is with me when I read the 
Word of God. I take up that sacred volume, 
and instead of being comforted by it, I am 
Esau, who sold his birthright for the trifling- 
sum of a * mess of pottage.' But that won't 
do, for Esau ^ lifted up his voice, and wept,' 
but I cannot weep. Then I am Saul, who had 
* another heart' given him, but not a new hearty 
and was * among the prophets,' and died at 
last under the curse of God. Then again I 
am Balaam, who felt and predicted his own 
doom, when he said, * I shall see him, but not 
nigh; I shall behold him, but not now.' 
He beheld Christ at a distance, but did 
not by faith bring him nigh, and died in un- 
righteousness. I awfully fear that is my 
state, and will be my doom. I then think of 
Jehu, and immediately I am transformed into 
Jehu. He was zealous against the house of 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 6t 

Ahab, for promoting the worship of Baal, but 
he was a devotee to Jeroboana^s calves at 
Bethel. Jehu was zealous against one sin, 
and in love with another. I am somewhat 
zealous for God, but my unconverted state (as 
I fear,) neutralizes every thing I do, and in the 
end I fear it will be no better with me than it 
was with the son of Nimshi. Soon again I am 
one of Habakkuk^s men, who * sacrifice unto 
their net, and burn incense to their drag; be- 
cause by them their portion is fat, and their 
meat plenteous.' I look back upon my past 
religious life with just censure and condemna- 
tion. I fear I have all the time sacrificed to 
my own vile, selfish net and drag, and have 
not had the glory of God in view, in my own 
salvation and in the salvation of others. 
how full of selfishness and vanity I am! I 
then go to the New Testament, and I am the 
* stony ground hearer;' one of the ^five foolish 
virgins;' but one of my most alarming fears is, 
that I am one of those who will approach the 
Lord in that day, and say, * Lord, Lord, have 
we not prophecied in thy name? and in thy 
name have cast out devils? and in thy name 
done many wonderful works?' and to whom 



68 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

the Lord will say, ^ I never knew you; depart 
from me ye that work iniquity.' 

*^ But I will give you no more analogies 
between my case and cases in the Bible; space 
will not allow, nor would your patience, (al- 
ready, I fear, taxed too long) bear it. I fear, 
upon the whole, that I have only the form of 
godliness, without its energy and power. My 
theology, religion and all, are only in my 
head, not written and graven on my heart, by 
the power of the Holy Spirit. I am (drawing- 
analogies again) like Nebuchadnezzar's image, 
in the plain of Dura: I have a golden head, 
but my feet, miry clay, a cold, stupid image. 
It is all I fear, the work of natural conscience, 
and an understanding enlightened by the 
letter of the word of God. Before a holy God, 
I stand as a mass of moral putridity and vile- 
ness. There is no life in my preaching, pray- 
ing nor singing; I try to do all, but it is a 
useless and unacceptable sacrifice. I have 
told you of but little of what I feel. Pen, ink 
and paper, (nor could the tongue, if I were 
present) cannot describe my bitter anguish. 
Now imagine a man in this condition, and as 
hard as a rock; and you have my religious 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED, 69 

state at this time. Whatever I do in the ex- 
ercise of religious duties, is done from the 
promptings of judgment, and not from my 
feelings. God knows, I thought I was a con- 
verted man, when I joined the church and en" 
tered the christian ministry; and I have the 
consolation of knowing that I did not intrude 
upon his courts through impure motives; so I 
shall remain where I am and in my work, till 
the matter is decided. I tell no one of it, be 
cause it would not edify, and might dishearten 
God^s dear children. 

^'Pray forme, dear brother, until the day 
break, and the shadows flee away." 

Soon after I wrote the above, I procured 
and read a small work entitled the almost 

CHRISTIAN discovered; OR, THE FALSE PROFESSOR 

TRIED AND CAST. This heart-scarching, and self- 
righteous-killing book, had well nigh extermi- 
nated what little hope was left me. As Job^s 
comforters were to him, so it was to me, ^' a 
miserable comforter indeed," It served me as 
the watchman did the spouse in the song of 
Solomon: it '^ smote me and wounded me; the 
keepers of the walls took away my veil from 
me." It showed in a variety of ways, what a 



70 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

man might do and say, and yet be, but almost 
a Christian. I read it through with but little 
intermission; and my distress of soul was in- 
tense. Thought I, this little book was placed 
in my hands by the providence of God to con- 
vince me clearly that I am not a Christian — 
only one of the almost Christians. It served 
me worse than the *^ thieves" did the poor 
man that was " going from Jerusalem down 
to Jerico." They ^* stripped him, and wounded 
him, and left him half dead;" it stripped me 
quite clean of my self righteousness and good 
works, exposed my nakedness of soul, and left 
me more than *' half dead," I feared worse 
than the unfortunate man in another respect: 
the good Samaritan came along, bound up his 
wounds, poured ointment into them, and took 
him *' to an inn," gave special charge concer- 
ning him, and had it charged to his own ac- 
count. I had none to help me. The holiness 
of God repulsed me when I thought of ap- 
proaching him; his rigid law cursed me; I 
I had lost my former dim sight of Christ and 
his offices; the Holy Spirit had left me, and no 
one was able to administer any comfort. 
There were some passages in the Psalma 



MS GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 71 

that were peculiarly applicable to me. I was 
always reminded of them when I attempted to 
pray. Psalm xxii. 1-2, was constantly in my 
mind. — ^* My God, my God, why has thou for- 
saken me? why art thou so far from helping 
me, and from the words of my roaring? my 
God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest 
not; and in the night season and am not silent." 
Why the Psalmist called his words uttered in 
distress, ^'the words of my roaring," I cannot 
tell; but my efforts in prayer at that time are 
well expressed by the word roaring. My ef- 
forts were made day and night; but I now 
regard them to have been nothing more than 
discordant '^ roaring," produced by deep dis- 
tress and anguish of spirit. 

At this crisis in my narrative, I received a 
letter from my friend, Mr. H-— — , still urging 
me to accompany him to Nashville, Tenn., to 
the Convention. But I was less inclined to 
go than when 1 wrote the preceding letter. 
After giving several reasons why I could not, 
yet withholding the main one, I replied to a 
portion of his letter as follows: 

'*I see you have on account of my letter 
[the one just read] placed me in * Doubting 



72 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

Castle.' Be it so; there is some comfort in 
that, if indeed you are correct; for Christian 
and Hoi eful succeeded ultimately in getting 
out, and pursued their journey to Mount Zion. 
But I have not, however, looked upon it so 
favorably; for I often fear that I am the ''Man 
IN THE Iron Cage," who was doomed to utter 
despair. But I hope the Lord will soon show 
me, in mercy and grace, who I am, and what 
I am. If my heart deceives me not, (which 
alas! it has often done) there is nothing I de- 
sire more at this time. But how fleeting are 
our convictions and desires on a subject so 
momentous! I have often been waked up to 
investigate my spiritual state before God, but 
have as often fallen back again into a careless 
state. If I were sure it was the tempter or the 
accuser, as you suggest, I would say in the 
strength of God, ' Get behind me, Satan.' But 
what if it is the good Spirit, either showing me 
my deceived state, or stirring me up to seek af- 
ter more holiness, ^without which no man shall 
see the Lord? I have a strong conviction 
that itis the Spirit of the Lord at work with me. 
'* \Ye cannot be too thorough in self-exami- 
nation; ministers as well as private members. 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 73 

Of the two, I do not know but it is easier for 
a minister of the gospel to be deceived than a 
private member. The minister takes it for 
granted that he is a Christian, from the fact 
that he Z5 a minister of the gospel of Christ; 
Christians take it for granted that he is and so 
do men of the world, and conduct themselves 
towards him as such, and by these means he 
is tempted to think well of himself, and is in 
great danger of spiritual pride and carnal se- 
curity. And further, he reads the word of. 
Grod, and searches other books to find out 
what to say to others, and, being so intent 
upon his calling, he forgets to let them speak 
first of all to his own heart. Now, what if he 
were deceived, at first? Is he not in imminent 
danger? Nay, is not his damnation almost 
certain? I presume it will be such that will 
say in the judgment, ' Lord, Lord, have we not 
prophesied in thy name,' &c. May God have 
mercy upon me, and save me from being one 
of that number 1 for says Christ, ^ they will be 
many.' Among the twelve, there was a Judas, 
and when the Lord said, * that one of you shall 
betray me,' they all honestly examined their 
hearts and exclaimed, ' Lord, is it I?' And I 
7 



"74 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

see no reason, now, why there is not an eqnal 
proportion of graceless ministers in the world^ 
and it is but meet that each one should inquire 
'Is it I?' ' Search me, God, and try me!^ 

'* You suggest my usefulness in the Master's 
cause as an evidence in my favor. Bat to my 
mind, usefulness in the ministry is not a suffi- 
cient evidence of a minister being a converted 
man. God is sovereign; and he may use a 
man's gifts in bringing others to Christ, while 
.he is a stranger himself, in heart, to the holy 
Gospel he preaches; and he may comfort and 
confirm others in the laith of which he is an 
utter stranger. The efficacy and power of the 
word of God upon the heart of the hearer, doe& 
not depend upon the authority of him who 
speaks it, but upon the power and authority 
of Him who blesses it. So, others may be 
converted and established in the faith of the 
gospel under my preaching; and I, in the end, 
may be * cast away.' You know the raven 
was an unclean bird according to the statutes 
of Moses, yet God sent it to good Elijah, at 
the brook Cherith, with bread and flesh, good 
and clean, morning and evening. A very lame 
man may, with his crutch, direct you to the 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 



'15 



highway, and not he able to walk in it one 
step himself. A crooked |tailor may make a 
suit of clothes to fit a straight body, though it 
fit not him who made it. The church (Christ's 
garden enclosed) may be well watered through 
a wooden pump log; the sun may give light 
to the inmates through a dusky and dirty 
window; and a farm may be sowed by a dirty 
hand and produce a good crop. The above, I 
know, is a singular combination of figures, 
but to my mind tliey are quite suggestive. 

But I must conclude. I have great confi- 
dence in your wisdom and piety; but you can- 
not comfort me. My case is beyond your 
reach. For the present you must allow me to 
sing in the minor key, till the Lord tunes my 
heart to sing in the major.'' 

Shortly after this I purchased and read 
Boston's Fourfold State of Human Nature. 
The ^'Almost Christian," which I had read, re- 
vealed to me depths of hidden depravity that 
I had but imperfectly seen; and also showed 
me much more of my self-righteousness, vanity 
and folly, than I had ever seen before. But 
^' Boston's Fourfold State," broke up and ex- 
posed to the light of day, the deep foundations 



1Q AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

of sin and depravity in my soni; and the utter 
folly of seeking justification by the deeds of 
the law, which I was prone to do. 

When I saw my depravity of heart, and 
sinfulness of soul in the light of the scriptures, 
I was cut off from internal reliance for help. I 
felt like Jeremiah when he was let down into 
the dungeon, and used his language often in 
my distress — '' They have cut off my life in 
the dungeon, and cast a stone upon me. Wa- 
ters flowed over my head; then I said I am 
cut off." The last vestige of self-righteous- 
ness torn from me, I stood a destitute, tremb- 
ling sinner, before a holy God. For twenty 
years I had been looking for something to 
commend me to a righteous God; but I now 
saw that I was nothing more than a mass of 
moral putridity and vileness before his infinite 
holiness. My disappointment and mortification 
was great, when I saw my utter helplessness 
before an unchangeable God, and my righ- 
teousness condemned as '' filthy rags," and 
cursed by his holy law. I looked back upon 
my past life with abhorrence— as a life of va- 
nity and folly. I viewed every act that I had 
ever done — the best of them — as having their 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. ^t 

foundation in selfishness and self-aggrandize- 
ment — the whole of it condemned by God^s 
law. However men may have viewed my 
acts and deportment, as favorable evidences 
of my being a Christian; yet, when I compared 
them with infinite holiness and immaculate 
purity, measured them by the perfect standard 
of justice, and weighed them in the exact 
scales of the law, they were found to be lighter 
than vanity, and wanting to an infinite extent. 
My agitation of soul increased with these dis- 
discoveries, and darkness and confusion over- 
whelmed me. The language of Isaiah, ^' wo is 
me! for I am undone; because I am a man of 
unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a 
people of unclean lips; for mine eyes have 
seen the King, the Lord of hosts," was ring- 
ing in my soul continually. 

As I saw increasing dangei^ and necessity, 
I betook myself to more frequent prayer. I 
was, for weeks, almost an inhabitant of the 
woods. My soul loathed company. My pray- 
ers seemed utterly worthless. I soon lost all 
confidence in them myself, abhorred them, and 
was easily persuaded that God discarded them 
as an abomination. Yet pray I must, if it 



18 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

amounted to nothing more than David's ^'roar- 
ings.'' And also, the plaintive language of 
Job, I made my own: 'Tor my sighing cometh 
before I eat, and my roarings are poured out 
like waters." What little moisture my soul 
possessed in prayer, was now ''turned into the 
drought of summer;" and "my bones had 
waxed old through my roaring all the day 
long." 

Having lost confidence in the prayers in- 
dited by my own mind, I searched the Psalms 
and other portions of the Bible that contained 
prayers, bowed before God, and read them; 
tried to enter into their meaning and spirit, 
and make them my prayers. I concluded, if 
my prayers were nothing more than breath — 
— confused, discordant "roarings" — that by 
using those indited by the Holy Spirit, there 
might be the energy and efficacy in them that 
I needed. But all appeared to result in nothing 
valuable. My distress and hopelessness in- 
creased every day. But all this I concealed 
from my family and friends. I did not wish 
them to know what was going on in my soul, 
lest gossip should report it to the friends and 
foes of Christ. 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 19 

As it was God's work in my soul, one more 
book was necessary to turn me away from 
every other refuge, but Jesus; so that in after 
life it might ever be my boast, in this gracious 
work, *'I saw no man, save Jesus only." The 
same kind Providence that placed the other 
works in my hands, soon put into my posses- 
sion, Flavel's Touchstone. This little volume 
did its work immediately. I finished reading 
it in the woods one day about two o'clock; 
and said in the language of David, " I am cut 
off from before thine eyes." And with Jere- 
miah, ''My streugth and my hope is perished 
from the Lord." I had now solved the diffi- 
cult problem: 1 am not a converted man; 1 am 
not a Christian. I was dumb with horror. My 
heart was as hard as a rock; no prayer now 
escaped from my lips; no tears fell from my 
eyes. 

After having been a member of the Church 
of Christ for twenty years, and a minister of 
the gospel for eighteen, to come to the conclu- 
sion, without one ray of light or gleam of 
hope, that one never was converted, produces 
feelings which neither tongue nor pen can 
adequately describe. I never had spent and 



80 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

hope I never shall spend such another after- 
noon. David^s language is not too strong for 
the feelings I then experienced. *'The sor- 
sows of death compassed me, and the pains of 
hell got hold upon me: I found trouble and 
sorrow.'^ And like Jeremiah, I was '' filled 
with bitterness, and made drunken with 
wormwood." 

It now became necessary that I should de- 
cide upon my future course. Shall I continue 
to preach? was the first question for me to 
decide. Suggestions like the following were 
made to my mind: ''Ought you to preach, 
knowing you are an unconverted man? Should 
you not go to your church, surrender your au- 
thority, and quit preaching, till you are con- 
verted? No man should preach unless he 
is converted and called; and you are neither 
converted, nor called to the work of the min- 
istry." These were perplexing questions, and 
I responded to them as follows: That I should 
preach on, to the best of my ability, as though 
nothing had happened, and seek the salvation 
of my soul. God was my witness that I was 
no hypocrite; neither in my profession of 
faith, nor in preaching the gospel of Christ, 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 81 

freely. That I was deceived, I then firmly be- 
lieved; but the Adversary never could make 
any impression on my mind by accusing me 
of hypocrisy. Besides, thought I, if I lay 
down my ministry, the church will call on me 
for a reason, and that will reveal the whole 
matter to the world; I shall wound the cause 
of God, and dishearten his people. It was a 
good thing, I concluded, to preach the gospel, 
as I had commenced it in good faith, if I did 
know nothing of Christ experimentally, and 
I would continue to seek him with my whole 
heart. And further, I concluded as I had 
commenced preaching, in good faith to my 
Master, it would make my case no worse if I 
should continue it. 

The same reasoning I applied to my con- 
nexion with the Church of Christ. I had no 
temptation, from the beginning of my late 
struggle up to this time, to cease my efforts 
and return to the world. Sin to me was ex- 
ceedingly hateful all the time; and now in my 
darkest hour and greatest extremity, I had 
not even a suggestion to sin against God, and 
abandon the idea of seeking the salvation of 
my soul. My aim and wish was to be a 



82 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

Christian— reconciled to, and at peace with 
God. And I then resolved, that by the help 
of God, I would seek the salvation of my soul 
as long as I should live, and never make it 
known to any one under heaven. I had a 
great horror at being '' daubed with untem- 
pered mortar," and of having "peace!" pro- 
claimed to me "when there was no peace;" 
for if God was pleased to convert me, he 
would give me the spirituality of the New 
Testament, and then I would be at rest, hap- 
py and useful. In these feelings and deter- 
minations my soul was immovably fixed. 

All that afternoon I spent in reflecting upon 
my past life. While I looked with " shame 
and confusion of face" at my sins, vanities, 
follies and short comings, yet I felt devout 
gratitude to God, for not having cut me off in 
my deceived state. It was a deep mystery 
with me why I had been deceived so long- 
why I had not seen before, that which was now 
so plain to my mind. I shuddered at the idea 
of my previous danger. I thanked God with 
the best heart I had, that he he had spared me, 
and had, in mercy and grace, given me to see 
my deceived state. 



1 



teE GRACE 0^ GOi) MAGNIFIED. 83 

But what was to be done? *' Pray/' was 
the answer. But I had prayed; had used 
every form and posture of prayer. I had 
prayed in the language of the Psalms, and 
had used every prayer in the Bible in the least 
applicable to my case, and I had nothing new 
now to offer. I never felt so utterly helpless 
before — completely cut off from every resource. 
I felt the terrible energy and force of the 
passage, ^' having no hope, and without God 
in the world." 

After dark, in this state of mind, I went to 
the spot to which I was accustomed to resort 
at that hour; and prostrated myself before 
God in perfect hopelessness. I offered no 
prayer, for I knew not what to say more than 
I had offered before, in the most humble man- 
ner. While in that posture, without any seem- 
ing effort on my part, my mind recurred to 
the life of Christ as it is written in the four 
Evangelists. I began at Bethlehem, followed 
the blessed Son of God through every event 
of his life, in the order of their occurrence, 
with more vivid distinctness than I had 
ever beheld them before. Light broke into 
my soul as I viewed each event, till I got to 



84 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

the garden of Gethsemane; when sweet and 
tender emotions were kindled in my dormant 
heart, as I beheld the Son of God on the cold 
ground in deep agony for my sinful soul. But 
when I arrived at the cross, having passed the 
ill-treatment and condemnation of my Saviour, 
my heart was broken to pieces in a moment, 
in the twinkling of the eye. I gazed at that 
bleeding One for a moment, then passed ra- 
pidly on to the sepulchre, the resurrection, the 
ascension from Olivet, but soon returned to 
that delightful place, the cross. I was melted, 
completely subdued, and broken down in con- 
templating that spectacle. 

*' 0, never till my latest breath. 

Shall I forget that look; 
It seemed to charge me with his death, 

Though not a word he spoke. 

My conscience felt and owned the guilt; 

It plunged me in despair; 
I saw my sins his blood had spilt. 

And helped to nail him there. 

A second look he gave, which said, 

* I freely all forgive; 
This blood is for thy ransom paid; 
I die that thou may'st live.' " 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 85 

I had wept often before, but never did I 
shed tears that gave my soul such relief. — - 
Every fountain of my soul was broken up, 
and opened, and my eyes rained showers of 
tears, of the deepest penitence and love. Ever 
before this, it had been painful for me to weep, 
but now it was easy, natural and sweet. I 
was then conquered by love and grace as I 
had never been before. Blessed conquest! 
Precious Conqueror! 

And what was it I saw that so subdued and 
melted my hard unbelieving heart? Jesus, 
crucified for my sins! ''Who his ownselfbore 
our sins in his own body on the tree; that 
we, being dead to sins, should live unto righ- 
teousness: by whose stripes ye are healed." 
I beheld Him as my Surety, satisfying' the 
claims of the holy law of God which were 
against me, by suffering death in my stead; 
meeting every claim of justice against me, as 
though I was answering to them in my own 
person: all this for me, a poor, guilty, vile 
sinner who deserved '' everlasting destruction 
from the presence of the Lord, and from the 
glory of his power." I had never seen be- 
fore how hateful sin was to Divine Holiness. 
8 



86 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

Jehovah spared not his own Son, when found 
'Mn fashion as a man" — man's surety. The 
thought that my sins had cost the Son of God 
so much pain, added to my poignant grief. 

The vicariousness of Christ's sufferings was 
clear to my mind. I saw that they were per- 
fectly satisfactory to every claim which the 
moral government of God held against me. 
God, the Father, looked down from heaven up- 
on his crucified Son, '^ well pleased " with his 
offering for sin. Like the bitten Israelite, 
I looked up to him on the cross as my 
atoning sacrifice; and we met in Christ and 
were reconciled, and became one in the 
blessed Daysman. By faith I beheld '^ Christ 
Jesus; who, of God, was made unto me wis- 
dom, and righteousness and sanctifijation and 
redemption." Condemnation and guilt left me 
instantaneously, and I felt the power, and un- 
derstood clearly the Bible doctrine of justifi- 
cation by faith, '' without the deeds of the 
law." The doctrine of works and selfrigh- 
teousness, as a ground of acceptance with 
God, was forever banished from my mind. My 
soul trusted on Christ, without fear, for salva- 
tion, and I was happy! happy!! happy!!! 
For hours I wept, praised and thanked God, 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 81 

the Father, Son and Holy Spirit for the great 
grace conferred on me. The Father I thanked 
and devoutly praised for devising the scheme 
of salvation, by which I was justified; the Son 
for executing it; and the Holy Spirit for ap- 
plying it with power to my soul, and for re- 
vealing it with such vivid distinctness to 
my mind. As Peter on the " Holy Mount" 
when the glory of God overshadowed him, 
was surrounded by such holy company, and 
heard the voice of God from '' the excellent 
glory," so I felt that ^'it was good to be there." 
And like the astonished and overwhelmed 
Jacob, I concluded, ^' Surely the Lord is in 
this place; and I knew it not. This is none 
other but the house of God, and this is the 
gate of heaven." 

But the reader is anxious to know whether 
I had been deceived or not, up to that time. I 
had not. I was then confirmed in my former 
faith and hope, and was perfected in love. 
Perfect love had cast out all the previous fear 
that had given me so much torment. I plainly 
saw that m}'' views of justification by faith in 
Christ alone, without the deeds of the law or 
good works, had been confused and indistinct, 



88 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

during all my religious life, up to that time. 
My mind never had scrip turally and fully 
grasped that comforting and soul-strengthen- 
ing doctrine. Nor had I clearly apprehended 
the doctrine of atonement, as it is taught in 
the Bible. I knew pretty well what theologi- 
cal writers had said about it: but their teach- 
ings did not satisfy the pressing wants of my 
soul. ''My soul desired the first ripe fruit." 
I had only seen Jesus, my surety, '' through a 
glass darkly," satisfying the claims of the Di- 
vine Government against me; but I had not 
seen, till then, that He had satisfied every 
claim that law and justice held against me, 
and suffered for my sins in His own body, as 
though I had done it in my ov/n person, and 
that the Father was as well satisfied with me, 
after I had believed in his Son, as though I 
had suffered the penalty'^of law and justice 
myself. This appeared to my mind then, and 
does still appear, to be the chief glory and 
perfection of the ever blessed gospel. 

Likewise the soul-satisfying doctrinevof im- 
putation I had never viewed clearly. A per- 
fect righteousness I saw, the law of God 
demanded; I had it not; and how ChrisVs 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 89 

active and passive righteousDess was to avail 
for me, and meet all the demands of the law 
against me, I could not distinctly see. I had 
read how it was to be done in theological 
books — had heard of it often in sermons — have 
preached it to others as far as I understood it 
from the teachings of the Bible; but the ob- 
scurity of the subject to my mind, was such 
that it did not comfort my own soul. I saw 
that I must have a perfect righteousness to 
*^ stand without fault before the throne of God" 
— to meet the requirements of that holy law 
by which I was to be judged. I had it not; 
and how I was to be received and acquitted 
in the name and for the sake of Christ, and 
how his work and righteousness were to be 
considered mine, were doctrines and ideas 
that my mind had never sufficiently grasped, 
to bring abiding peace and comfort to my 
soul. But I now saw myself '^complete in Him 
who is the head of all principality and power;'' 
and as abiding in Christ by faith: Christ in 
me, the Father in Christ, and the Holy Spirit 
my sanctifier, were thus ''made perfect in 
one." Being in Christ by faith, the Father 
had no more claims on me, in a legal point of 



90 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

view, than be bad against bis Son; all the 
*' band writing against me/' and all tbe claims 
of justice, ''were blotted out," and satisfied 
on Calvary. The passage, *' there is, there- 
fore now, no condemnation to them which are 
in Christ Jesus," came with great power and 
comfort to my heart. I believed' it, and felt it. 

I received no new revelation; only the glo- 
rious facts and truths of the gospel, indistinct- 
ly seen before, by a weak and wavering faith, 
were then by the sovereign grace and power 
of the Holy Spirit clearly revealed, written, en- 
graved and stereotyped on my heart, by the 
blood of the Covenant. The Divine Spirit was 
graciously pleased to make them so plain, that 
I see them now, with the same clearness that I 
did on that never-to-be-forgotten night. But 
to return to my narrative. 

Feelings consequent upon such views, as 
those above related, are indiscribable; yet one 
will attempt it, and do the best he can. Quaint 
old divines used to say, "The Lord has no 
dumb children;" and I am such a debtor to 
grace, that I am constrained to magnify it. 
How long I remained at that Bethel and wept, 
thanked, prayed and praised, and talked to 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 91 

my Lord, I cannot tell; I never felt so near to 
God before. I could say without doubt, '' My 
beloved is mine and I am his." '' He brought 
me to the banqueting house, and his banner 
over me was love.'^ " His left hand is under 
my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.'' 
In Christ I could speak to Jehovah 'Tace to 
face, as a man speaketh to his friend." He 
had come near to me in His Son. I believed 
and loved with my whole heart. I had no 
fear at all; perfect love had cast out all fear 
from my soul. My anxious and perturbed 
spirit was calm; it had found a resting place 
at last, at the cross. All nature around and 
above me praised God; and my soul was in 
sweet harmony with nature. Christ had res- 
tored me, whole, to m}^ Father's house; and I 
was united in him to the pure and holy family 
of heaven, and they received me as a brother 
and rejoiced over me. 

I returned to my house at some hour in the 
night, and found every #thing quiet, and in the 
stillness of sleep; I retired to rest without 
awaking them. This I did purposely; for as 
yet I did not wish to make the matter known 
to any one. And, had I been enquired of, why 



92 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

I was up SO late, I could Dot have concealed 
it. Next morning, the natural sun in the hea- 
vens above, and the '' Sun of Kighteousness'' 
in my soul, made a bright day. The Holy 
Spirit was also in my heart, taking of the 
precious things of Christ and showing them to 
me. Thus passed three or four days in great 
comfort and peace. 

Strange to tell, after this gracious manifes- 
tation, •' a horror of great darkness^' fell upon 
me, the fifth day. I now see the work was 
not completed; and as my blessed Lord had 
begun it, he was determined to complete it in 
his own time, and in his own way. Blessed 
be his holy name! 

As stated in the foregoing account, the 
scriptural views I had of Christ, were from his 
birth to his ascension; and my mind soon left 
Olivet and returned to Calvary, to look on 
that lovely One whom I had pierced, to love, 
adore and praise. All was clear as far as the 
Ascension. To complete my peace and hap- 
piness, my soul needed clearer views of the 
Mediation of Christ — of him as an High Priest 
in the heaven of heavens for me. The sacri- 
fice on Calvary, seen by faith, had satisfied 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 93 

my soul as to the '' One offering," '^ the one 
sacrifice for sins," to satisfy the rigid demands 
of law and justice against me on earth; but 
such was my natural and moral impurity, that 
I needed one to plead my cause continually at 
the right hand of a holy God. Satisfied with 
the precious view the Holy Spirit was pleased 
to give me of the perfect work of Christ on 
earth, I could not see how that sacrifice of- 
fered on earth, could avail for me continually 
in heaven. At least, that matter was so ob- 
scurely understood, that it did not afford me 
that happiness which my soul so much desired. 
There was a vacuum in my soul that needed 
being filled, to complete the good work begun. 
From Bethlehem to Olivet — from the Birth to 
the Ascension, I saw and understood the work, 
and was happy. But how is it beyond Olivet? 
Thai was the question I wished solved. 

But it pleased God to cut this work short: 
it only lasted one day. During that day of 
conflict, I read much in the epistle to the He- 
brews, about the High Priesthood of Jesus; 
and indeed, in every part of the word of God 
where his High Priesthood and glorious medi- 
ation were treated of by the inspired writers. 



94 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

In reading the Epistle to the Hebrews, I was 
naturally led by the writer to look at x\aron 
and his office as high priest over Israel, as a 
striking type of Christ and his Priesthood over 
his Church. The letter of the analogy institu- 
ted by Paul, between the high priesthood of 
Aaron and that of Christ, my mind apprehend- 
ed; but how ChrisVs mediation continually 
and fully met my wants, and gave me free 
access to an infinitely holj' God, were subjects 
*'too high for me" to comprehend sufficiently 
to make me believe them with my whole heart. 
The awful majesty of a just and holy God in 
heaven contrasted with me upon earth, com- 
passed about with infirmity and sin, alarmed 
me greatly. I gloried in the sacrifice on Cal- 
vary; but does Calvary avail for me now? for 
sins committed every day? Does it give me 
freedom of speech with Jehovah? Does that 
holy Jehovah love me now? every moment? 
These were questions that deeply affected and 
greatly perplexed me. 

With these and other unsolved difficulties, I 
went again to my Bethel; where I had seen 
the Lord on the cross, and beheld his resur, 
rection, and had gazed at his ascension from 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 95 

Mount Olivet in a cloud. I prostrated myself 
before the mercy seat of the Great King, and 
was enabled by the Spirit to give up the solu- 
tion of all my difficulties to Him whose right 
it is to clear up all mysteries, necessary to be 
known for the good of my soul. No sooner 
had I done this, than my mind recurred to the 
place of Chrfst's ascension, where I left off 
viewing Him before, to return to the cross to 
see that bleeding victim. 

Here again I had no new revelation; I only 
saw things as they were revealed in the Scrip- 
tures by a strong faith, through the light of 
the Holy Spirit. I gazed at him as he ascend- 
ed after his victory on Calvary, with his glo- 
rious attendants, and heard some of them 
boast of their number: ''The chariots of God 
are twenty thousand, even thousands of angels ; 
tho Lord is among them, as in Sinai, in the 
holy place.'' Others responded, '' God is gone 
up with a shout, the Lord with the sound of a 
trumpet. Sing praises to God, sing praises: 
sing praises to our King, sing praises. Thou 
hast ascended on high, thou hast led captivity 
captive.'' Onward moved the stately proces- 
sion of the Licarnate God, till it arrived at the 



96 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT, 

gates of the heaven of heavens, and the attend* 
ant angels demanded, '' Lift up your heads, 
ye gates; and be ye lifted up ye everlasting 
doors; and the King of glory shall come in." 
Those within, as though they were astonished 
at such a summons, demanded, ^'Who is this 
King of glory?" To which his messengers 
responded more peremptorily, '^ Lift up your 
heads, ye gates; even lift them up ye ever- 
lasting doors; and the King of glory shall 
come in." The porters within again demanded, 
"Who is this King of glory?" To which one 
universal response is given : ''The Lord, strong 
and mighty; the Lord mighty in battle! the 
Lord of hosts; He is the King of glorj I" 

The right of the demand was recognized, 
'' the everlasting gates were lifted up," and 
the ^' everlasting doors" were opened, and the 
Almighty traveller '' from Edom," and the ISl^n 
'' with dyed garments from Bozrah," entered 
amid the principalities and powers of heaven. 
Presenting before the throne of the Father, all 
the evidences of a '' finished" redemption on 
earth; the Father inaugurated Him King of 
kings and Lord of lords, thus: 



I'HE GRACE Ot GOD MAGNIt'IED. 9t 

*'Iwill declare the decree: Thou art my 
Son; this day have I begotteu thee. Sit thou 
on my right hand, until I make thine enemies 
thy footstool. And let all the angels of God 
worship him. The Lord shall send the rod of 
thy strength out of Zion: rule thou in the 
midst of thine enemies. Thy people shall be 
willing in the day of thy power. Ask of me, 
and I shall give thee the heathen for thine in- 
heritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth 
for thy possession. The Lord at thy right 
hand shall strike through kings in the day of 
his wrath. The Lord hath sworn, and will 
not repent: Thou art a priest for ever, after 
the order of Melchisedeck. Thy throne, 
God, is forever and ever: a sceptre of righte- 
ousness is the sceptre of thy kingdom. Thou 
hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity; 
therefore God, even thy God, hath anointed 
thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows. 
And, thou. Lord, in the beginning, hast laid 
the foundation of the earth: and the heavens 
are the works of thine hands. They shall 
perish but thou remainest: and they shall wax 
old as doth a garment; and as a vesture shalt 
9 



98 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

thou fold them up, and they shall be changed: 
but thou art the same, and thy years shall 
not fail." 

My soul, by faith, was in that joyful assem- 
bly, celebrating the coronation of my Lord and 
King. I felt that He was worthy of all the 
honors conferred upon him, on that joyful and 
thrilling occasion; and I was inexpressibly 
happy. I participated in all their joys; and 
bowed in spirit with that immense throng of 
redeemed and angelic spirits, and at the con- 
clusion of the Father's inaugural, united with 
them most joyfully, in saying with a loud 
voice, *' Worthy is the Lamb that was slain, 
to receive pov/er, and riches, and wisdom, and 
strength, and honor, and glory, and blessing. 
Blessing, and honor, and glory, and power, be 
unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and un- 
to the Lamb forever and ever." 

But the Lord was pleased to give me still 
another view of this glorious subject; which 
bad respect to the High Priesthood of the Re- 
deemer. I viewed him not only as '' head 
over all things to the Church;" but as High 
Priest of the ''new and everlasting covenant'^ 
** a priest forever after the order of Melchies- 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 99 

deck;" so made b}^ the oath of Jehovah, ^' sit 
on the right hand of the Majesty in heavens/^ 
*' a minister of the sanctuary, and of the true 
tabernacle, which the Lord pitched and not 
man." As Aaron went into the '^ most holy 
place," once a year, as high priest of the Old 
Covenant, with the blood of beasts and holy 
incense, to make atonement for the sins of 
Israel, and to '^ appear in the presence of God" 
for them; so did Jesus, the High Priest and 
Mediator of the New Covenant, appear in the 
presence of God for us, and " offered himself 
without spot to God" for the sins of his people. 
He had, on earth — on Calvary — offered himself 
a sacrifice for sin as Priest; and when he as- 
cended and '' passed into the heavens," he ap- 
peared in the presence of God for his people, 
with all the marks and evidences of his cruci- 
fixion on earth, as our great High Priest; and 
by ''the one offering of himself" before the 
Divine Throne, before all the principalities 
and powers of Heaven, ''hath forever perfected 
them that are sanctified." 

Thus my faith rested upon his sacrifice for 
sin in the " outer court" on earth; it rose with 
him from the tomb; ascended with him to hea- 



100 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

ven; passed into it; beheld, and participated 
in his coronation services, as King of saints 
and Lord of angels; passed within the vail, 
anchored on Him as High Priest, ever living 
to make intercession for me according to the 
will of God. My soul held him fast as the 
High Priest that was needed, holy, harmless, 
undefiled, separate from sinners, and made 
higher than the heavens. 

Thus I found the way to that holy God, 
whose infinite purity had so long repulsed me. 
It was through the person, blood and righte- 
ousness of Jesus the Messiah. I couldapproach 
Jehovah now, without fear, through that ^'new 
made way,'^ the crucified, risen, accepted, 
reigning and interceding Prince and Saviour. 
I had one betwixt me and that ''Holy One of 
Israel," '' touched with the feeling of my infir- 
mity," who could ''lay his hand upon us both," 
thereby " making peace" — who had died for 
me, bearing my sins in his own body, and was 
ever before the divine throne, pleading my 
cause. '' He ever liveth to make intercession." 

My way into the "most holy place" being 
now laid open, I was filled with such ecstatic 
joy that I could not hold my peace. I praised 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 10 1 

God aloud. My '^ wilderness and solitary Be- 
thel was made glad," and was again to me the 
house of God, and the gate of heaven. The 
moon and stars helped me to praise God, and 
to break the stillness of night. So transported 
was I, that I wished to leave the earth; and 
like Peter on Mount Tabor, I was dazzled, be- 
wildered and overpowered with the glory of 
God at the transfiguration, ''not knowing 
what I said." I was so intemperate in my 
wishes as to ask God to take me, then At 
that moment the summons to appear in the 
court of my Eedeemer and King, would have 
been the most joyful news that ever saluted 
my ears. '' My heart and my flesh cried out'' 
for it. But the address of the angel of the 
Covenant to Daniel, '' Go thou thy way till 
the end be; for thou shalt rest, and stand in 
thy lot at the end of the days," came with 
power into my, mind, and reproved my rash 
desire and request. 

My last difficulty was then and there re- 
moved; and I returned home at a late hour, 
happy in the Lord, without a doubt or a fear 
in my soul. I both laid me dowi> in peace and 



102 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

slept. I awoke early, and what a siglit! The 
heavens declared the glory of God, and the 
firmament showed his handy work. The day 
uttered its speech, in praise of him who said, 
'' Let there be light !^^ All nature lifted up its 
hands and voice on high, in adoration and 
praise. The deep lifted up its harmonious 
tones. I went out with joy and was led forth 
with peace: the mountains and hills broke 
forth into singing, and all the trees of the field 
clapped their hands. Instead of the thorn 
came up the fir tree, and instead of the brier 
came up the myrtle tree. And the sun in mid- 
heaven shone no brighter than did the '' Sun 
of Righteousness" in my soul. ^' For the glory 
of God did brighten it, and the Lamb was the 
light thereof." 

For several days I continued in this state of 
mind; weeping, praising and adoring. I was 
as little inclined to make it public as I had 
ever been. I feared it might not last, and 
that I would again relapse into darkness and 
doubts. Like the man in the parable, I hid 
the treasure for a short time. But I felt it to 
be my duty to make knov/n the gracious de- 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 103 

liverance to the brother with whom I had cor- 
responded in such a despairing manner. This 
I did as follows: 

''My dear brother: I am glad I did not go 
to the Convention with you; for my mind 
might have been diverted from an investiga- 
tion that has deeply enlisted my feelings for 
years. It has lately shaken my soul to its 
centre; about which I have given you some 
intimations, by letter and in conversation. But 
I am now entirely relieved and perfectly sa- 
tisfied. God, for the sake of his dear Son, 
has had mercy upon me, and has enabled me 
to triumph over all my enemies. He first led 
me to the Eed Sea; I was environed on every 
side; hotly pursued by cruel, unrelenting foes; 
I cried for help. He bade me ''stand still and 
see the salvation of the Lord;" the rod of Di- 
vine power was stretched out; the waters 
parted ; I passed over safely. My enemies es- 
saying to follow me, were overthrown, chariot, 
horse and rider, and I saw them no more. 
'The depths have covered them: they sank 
into the bottom as a stone/ I am now on the 
banks, ' singing the song of Moses, the servant 
of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying, 



104 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

Great and roarvelous are thy works, Lord God 
Almighty; just and true are thy ways, thou 
Xing of saints.' The bright side of the '' Pil- 
lar of Cloud" was turned to me, and the dark 
side to my enemies. My sky is now clear, the 
sun shines brightly, without an intervening 
cloud; my faith is strong in the Lord and in 
the power of his might; my hope is firmly fixed 
upon the 'Chief Corner Stone;' and my soul is 
happy in contemplating the sacrifice, person 
and offices of my exalted and glorified Re- 
deemer. At last. He has brought me fully in- 
to his banqueting house, and his banner 
over me is love. 

'' To drop figures: The Lord has been gra- 
ciously pleased to relieve nae of all the per- 
plexing doubts and harrassing fears as to my 
acceptance with him, which I have so long en- 
tertained. What tormenting guests they have 
been! But the^^ are expelled by the power of 
the Highest, and that ever recurring question, 
Am la Christian! a converted man? is now sett- 
led. I have had evidences of my being a son 
of God since I last wrote, which it would be 
sinful to doubt. I am now satisfied that I was 
converted when I first joined the Church of 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 105 

Christ; but ray views of the doctrine of justi- 
fication by faith in the atoning* sacrifice and 
righteous merits of Jesus were so imperfect 
that I have been a large portion of my reli- 
gious life, miserable. I have been up to this 
time, searching for the living among the dead; 
searching for a living, perfect righteousness in 
in my poor, vile, contaminated soul, to com- 
mend me to a holy God; but I had not found 
it. What a fruitless search! I have found 
nothing but Isaiah's 'filthy rag' righteousness. 
But blessed be God! when I turned away from 
self, and looked steadfastly at the cross, my 
heart was broken; tears, sweet penitential 
tears, flowed as they never flowed before. My 
soul was a deep fountain of penitence, and my 
eyes rivers of tears. It was a precious 
Boehim, where tears and joys were sweetly 
blended. I loved a reconciled God in the per- 
son of Jesus, as I had never loved before. It 
was a precious, confiding 'Abba Father' love. 
Self, vile, obstrusive self, was renounced, and 
I was fully satisfied with God's plan of mercy 
and grace. I saw that the Lord Jehovah was 
^well pleased' with the sacrificial work of his 



106 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

Son, and my soul acquiesced — my faith laid 
hold of him as Divine Trinity. 

" These views that I have imperfectly des- 
cribed, and others beyond the power of des- 
cription which I had of the Lord Jesus — sa- 
tisfying all the claims of the Divine govern- 
ment against me — meeting all my wants — 
bearing my sins in his own body upon the 
tree — making his work and righteousness my 
own — made me inexpressibly happy. And I 
now stand ''by faith in this grace, and rejoice 
in hope of the glory of God/'^ 

''I have no controversy with Jehovah. I am 
fully satisfied with his entire plan of saving 
mercy and grace. I am willing for the Lord 
to be God, and to follow him. I have given 
myself to him, without reserve, in the bonds 
of an everlasting covenant, ordered in all 
things and sure. ^Tis a 'covenant of salt,^ 
it saves my soul from moral putrefaction; a 
covenant ratified by vicarious blood, for it 
atones for sin and cleanses from all unrigh- 
teousness. 

"Help me to praise Him; for his goodness 
and mercy endure forever. I think of the pas- 



l-HE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 10 1 

sage oftoD, realizingly, when I look at Jesus, 
my sacrifice on Calvary, and my High Priest 
in heaven: 'This is my restforever; here will I 
dwell; for I have desired it.'" 

The brother with whom I was corresponding 
had been from the first blessed with clearer 
views of salvation than I, and had often 
chided me by letter and in conversation for 
my want of faith. But when he read the 
above, he replied in a letter full of sympathy 
and condolence; and apologised lest he should 
have given me pain, and congratulated me on 
my triumph through the Saviour. To which 
I responded in the following manner: 

"As for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had 
well nigh slipped." — Asaph, in Ps. Ixxvii. 

''My dear Brother: — I received from you, 
this morning, just such a letter as I expected. 
For I knew that, as soon as you understood 
that my conflict with the 'wild beasts at Ephe- 
sus' was a real one, you would relent and re- 
joice with me in my victory. And such, thank 
God, has been the result. I shed tears freely 
in reading your kind letter. Thank the 
Lord! for Christian fellowship and sym- 
pathy. No Christian is promoted without fil- 



■ 



108 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACrr. 

ling the whole family on earth with joy, if it 
is known. And what must be their joy above 
who see the end which God has in view in 
such a case? For whatever glorifies God, 
fills them with exceeding great joy and praise. 
Glory be to God! for union with such a fami- 
ly. The eyes of all the redeemed in heaven 
and on earth are turned to Him, as the foun- 
tain of all gracious influences. There we all 
meet; and angels rejoice over the union. 
Those are sweet passages, Tor in Him dwel- 
leth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. 
And ye are complete in him, which is the head 
of all principality and power.' 'For it pleased 
the Father that in him should all fulness dwell. 
It is safe, then, and we can draw upon it by 
faith, and receive supplies of grace to help in 
time of need. To grow in grace, we must go 
to this rich depository often; for, as in the 
case of the Isrealites, the manna of yesterday 
will not do for to-day. We must draw upon 
our Fountain Head. To encourage us in this, 
Paul has given us a precious morsel: 'Hold- 
ing the Head from which all the body by 
joints and bonds having nourishment minis- 
tered, and knit together, increaseth with the 



I 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 109 

increase of God.^ I will leave you to com- 
ment upon, and apply this passage. 

''Do not reflect upon yourself for writing as 
you did; I am glad of it. 'Let the righteous 
smite me.' It was the Lord's work, and he 
perfected it, without the aid of any one, friend 
€r foe, I am perfectly satisfied with it; and 
to His name bo all the praise! The Lord will 
hear prayer, offered in the name of Jesus. I 
have long prayed for confirmation in my hope, 
and He has graciously granted it. I now 
know, not from nature and the Bible alone, 
that there is a God in Israel: but the evidence 
is in my heart. Peter could say, 'We believe 
and are sure, that thou art the Christ, the Son 
of the living God.' I think I can humbly say 
the same without lying to the Holy Spirit. — 
Gentiles saved by grace can appeal to Jeho- 
vah and say, 'Doubtless thou art our Father; 
though Abraham be ignorant of us, and Israel 
acknowledge us not.' What a precious little 
word is Abba, to a pardoned and adopted sin- 
ner! Boston says, it spells the same thing 
both ways. He thinks much of that little 
word, and fills it full of meaning. But no 
doubt that stern, pious puritan loved the ideas 
10 



110 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT, 

and privileges attached to it infinitely better 
than the mere word— loved the things freight- 
ed to his soul more than the vehicle that con- 
ve^^ed them. 'Abba Father!' My Father! By 
the way, I have read that quaint old author 
with great profit, lately. God send the Chris- 
tian Church man}' such men! I am a seven- 
teenth century man in my theology and feel- 
ings. I prayed to God for Bible and old-fa- 
shioned piety and spirituality. I wanted no 
superficial stuff. I have but little patience 
with, and taste for, the most of our modern 
authors. They are too poor in thought, and 
too shallow in piety; and of deep-toned spi- 
rituality they seem to have none. If I am 
wrong in this charge, God forgive me! 

I have no idea of paying the Lord for what 
he has done for my soul; but it is my prayer 
that he should spare my life, that I may labor 
in his vineyard, and do something towards 
making up my lost time. I feel that after a 
little more preparation in the woods, it will 
soon be a pleasure to me to preach the gospel. 
I begin to feel and see what Paul meant when 
he said, ' I thank God that he counted me 
faithful, putting me into the ministry.' I look 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. Ill 

back upon my past life with deep regret. 
Like penitent Ephraim, 'I bear the reproach 
of my youth.' My experience is not unlike 
his in Jeremiah 31: 18-20, 'I have surely 
heard Ephraim bemoaning himself, thus; thou 
hast chastised me, and I was chastised, as a 
bullock uQaccustomed to the yoke; turn thou 
me, and I shall be turned; for thou are the 
Lord my God. Surely after that I was turn- 
ed, I repented; and after that I was instruct- 
ed, I smote upon my thigh: I was ashamed, 
yea, even confounded, because I did bear the 
reproach of my youth. Is Ephraim my dear 
son? is he a pleasant child? for since I spake 
against him, I do earnestly remember him 
still; therefore my bowels are troubled for 
him; I will have mercy upon him, saith the 
Lord.' My life has been a life of vanity and 
folly, but the Lord has graciously pardoned, 
me. *'Few and evil have been my days,'' said 
the godly Jacob; and what should be my con- 
fession? that God may spare me; that I 
may do something as an instrument, to pro- 
mote his cause in the world. 

*' I am anxious to see the ministers of our 
Association, to give them a word of exhorta- 



112 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

tion. I hope I shall be profitable to them, 
should the Lord spare me to see them. I feel 
the force of the injunction, * When thou art 
converted, strengthen thy brethren.' Alas I 
for the want of spirituality among ministers 
generally. ' The sword shall be upon his 
arm, and upon his right eye: his arm shall be 
clean dried up, and his right eye shall be 
utterly darkened.' What a fearful doom upon 
the 'idol shepherd!' And who is the 'idol 
shepherd,' but the man who ' feeds himself,' 
as saith Ezekiel? the man who feeds himself 
with vanity and folly — who loves ease and 
self indulgence, and the applause of men — 
who * sacrifices to his own net, and burns in- 
cense to his own drag.' The Lord save you 
and me from the fearful doom of the ' brutish 
pastors that have not sought the Lord.' How 
can I indulge in levity, vanity and folly, as I 
have done? God forbid! 

'' You ask an interest in my prayers. Such 
a request I cannot refuse. But I have so 
much need for intercession in my own behalf, 
that I can think, for the present, of but few. 
How troublesome I have been to my merciful 
High Priest 1 Surely he has had to intercede 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 113 

for me more than any one else. If He could 
be wearied, surely I have wearied Him* But 
He is full of grace I grace!! grace 11! I v/ill 
not forget you, however. I have felt a spirit 
of prayer lately, for ministers of the gospel. I 
hope the Lord will enlarge my desires for them, 
for the Church of Christ, and for the world. 

" I would like to see you, that we might 
benefit each other more than we have ever 
done. I fear I have been in the way of your 
religious progress, by my want of spirituality. 
Pardon me, I beseech you. I have great rea- 
son to be humbled in the dust. 

^* And now, dear brother, let us covenant 
together to be more faithful to God, more 
heavenly minded and pious. It is the lock of 
our strength as ministers; take that away and 
we ^ shall become weak, and be like other 
men.' As Jehu said to Jehonadab, * Is thine 
heart right, as my heart is with thy heart? 
If it be, give me thine hand.' I am yours, in 
the hope of standing ^ without fault before the 
throne of God.' " 

I still continued in this happy frame of 
mind; and in reply to a letter from my friend, 



114 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

in answer to the one just read, I expressed 
myself thus: 

" Grace reigns." — Paul. 

" Beloved brother in Christ — The best ncion- 
arch that ever assembled a throne on earth, and 
reigned over man, is Grace. And strange to 
tell, he never reigns without having first to 
conquer his subjects — all are rebels to him, 
by nature. Other monarchs ascend thrones 
hereditarily, and their subjects acquiesce; but 
not so with our monarch, Grace. He must 
conquer his throne and kingdom. But when 
he conquers once, he neither abdicates, nor 
suffers himself to be dethroned, like some 
earthly princes. He holds on to his domin- 
ion with an Almighty energy; the opposition he 
meets is but mighty^ hence he is always trium- 
phant. He quickens, renews, sanctifies, and 
leads on his subjects in the way of peace; pre- 
vents their final apostasy, and makes them 
'meet for the inheritance of the saints in light.' 

" I think he has seldom found (with shame 
I write it) a more rebellious, stiff-necked, 
sinful and ungrateful subject than I have 
been, ever since he undertook my subjuga- 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 115 

tion. But I yield. I own him conqueror. I 
trust there never will be another rebellion in 
my * Mansoul;' for I have found that Imman- 
uel does not return to a backslider imme- 
diately. 

*' I would like if I had time, and I were 
sure it would interest you, to give you a full 
account of the dealings of God with my soul. 
Jeremiah ever had in remembrance the worm- 
wood and the gall. Moses never forgot Egypt, 
nor the journey through the wilderness; but, 
he could rehearse the dealings of God distinct- 
ly, just before he ascended Pisgah. And, so 
vividly is this new work of grace impressed 
upon my soul, that neither time nor eternity 
can efface it. * When thou art converted, 
strengthen thy brethren.' This I will do, the 
Spirit helping me, on all fit occasions. that 
God would assist me to stir up his people to 
more holy living! Alas! for the low standard 
of holiness in the churches. Let us, with 
God^s help, come to the perfect stature of a 
man in Christ Jesus, that we may do some- 
thing towards their spiritual elevation. But, 
remember, we must get to that standard our- 
selves, before our lever will be strong enough 



116 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

to raise them. So long as we are dwarfs in 
holiness ourselves, our congregations will be 
children in spirituality — 'babes in Christ.' 
^Like priest, like people' — how true the proverb. 
^'I am, now, forty years old; and I feel that 
I am just preparing for the ministry. True, I 
have prepared my intellect somewhat, but not 
my heart. But it is like wheat, compared to 
chaff. And the question is significantly ask- 
ed, * What is the chaff to the wheat? saith 
the Lord.' I have made myself * the keeper 
of vineyards; but mine own vineyard I have 
not kept.' Alasl what a wilderness of briers 
and thorns which is nigh unto cursing; whose 
end is to be burned!' I have lived a selfish 
life — a large portion of it ' sacrificing to my 
own net, and burning incense to my own 
drag,' I have not had wholly, the glory of God 
in view, and the praise of Christ before my 
mind. The inhabitants of Jericho said to 
Elisha, the prophet, 'Behold, we pray thee, the 
situation of this city is pleasant, but the wa- 
ter is naught, and the ground is barren.' — 
This is a true picture of m}^ heart, thus far, 
through life. How unfit I have been for a 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. lit 

minister of the holy Jesus! How little like 
Christ, who is 'a bundle of myrth.' 

*' The time is short, and heart preparation 
must be made. And * until the day break, and 
the shadows flee away, I will get me to the 
mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankin- 
cense,' — Song", iv: 6. I must live in the moun- 
tain, to obtain the sweet savor of Christ in 
my soul. I have been sufficiently long *on the 
mountain of leopards and in the lions' den.' — 
I must be out, and behold the Lord from 'Shinar 
and from Lebanon.' I must 'remember Him 
from beyond Jordan, from Hermon and from 
the hill Mizar.' — Ps. xlii. I have left my 
study somewhat; and I spend a good portion 
of my time in the woods with my Bible. I 
find, after all, 'the secret places of the stairs' 
are the best place to prepare for the ministry. 
Without secret-prayer-preparation, we are like 
Dean Swift's Lilliputians in the ministry of 
the word; but, with it, we are spiritual Samp- 
sons. When Moses came down to the camp 
of Israel from Mount Sinai, after fasting, 
praying and conversing with the Lord forty 
days and nights, his face shone in a heavenly 
manner. Elijah returned from Horeb, after 



118 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

hearing the 'still small voice/ destitute of the 
feelings he had 'under the juniper tree in the 
wilderness of Beersheba/ And the holy Jesus, 
after praying and fasting forty days and 
nights in the wilderness of Judea, and after 
his temptation, 'returned into Galilee in the 
power of the Spirit.' Time would fail me to 
speak of others. Our heavenly Father will 
reward us openly, if we pray to him in secret, 
ilnd the greatest reward a godly minister 
wishes, is success in his work. 

*' I am trying to preach Christ to the people; 
but surely the Lord will not speak through 
such an unsanctified man. As yet, the vessel 
is too unholy for the Spirit to dwell in, I fear. 
'Be ye clean, ye that bear the vessels of the 
Lord.' The Israelites by their unfaithfulness 
left much of the land, given to Abraham in 
covenant, in possession of the Canaanites; in 
like manner my want of faith, and lack of 
conformity to Christ, has given the Adversary 
such a hold in my churches, that it will re- 
quire much labor and toil, 'strong crying and 
tears,' to dislodge him. 'As for the Jebusites 
the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the children of 
Judah could not drive them out; but the Je- 



THE grXce of god magnifed. 119 

bumtes dwell with the children of Judah at 
Jerusalem unto this day/ — Josh, xv: 33. 
for the spirit of David, the king, to go up and 
smite them, ^and take the castle of Zion'/ — 
True, I speak with more earnestness than I 
did before this blessed work was wrought in 
my soul; but I need more grace to warm this 
cold heart, that I may speak like an account- 
able man to accountable men. 

" Write soon, and do say something to rouse 
me up. I need quickening every moment, I 
am tempted to think you will accuse me of 
boasting. Be it so. I will boast and glory 
in Christ. But should I forget, and boast and 
glory in the flesh, the Lord will rebuke me. 
I am in his hands; He has begun the w^ork, 
and he will finish it, 'to the praise of the glo- 
ry of his grace.' Let us meet often at a 
throne of Grace. I am yours, in 'covenant of 
salt.' " 

On December 23d, 1851, of that memorable 
year of my souPs existence, I wrote to another 
friend of mine, and in a paragraph alluded to 
the subject. My deliverance was about the 
first of June of that year; and the reader will 



120 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

see by reading the extract of December 23d, 
the state of my mind at that time. I then say: 
*' The year is drawing to a close, and a me- 
morable year it has been to me. I have this 
year decided a question that has long per- 
plexed me: Whether 1 was a child of God or notl 
I would like to spend a few hours with you, to 
inform you how good the Lord has been to me, 
a poor sinner. I have had evidences of my 
acceptance with God this year, which it would 
be sinful to doubt. I sought them by earnest, 
constant prayer; and the Lord heard me and 
had mercy upon my soul, and lifted it out of 
the deep waters. In my distress I came to 
the Eed Sea; the rod of the covenant was 
stretched out, and all my enemies were over- 
thrown, horse and rider. I am on my journey 
through the wilderness, with the cloud over 
me by day, the pillar of fire by night, and the 
stream from the rock ever present. I some- 
times get into 'darkness and have no light,' 
but I trust in the Lord, and stay my soul upon 
the mighty God of Jacob. The covenant! the 
covenant!! it will stand, and Jehovah will do 
all his pleasure. At last I have attained to 
Job^s resolution, from my heart, 'though he 



THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 121 

slay me, yet will I trust in him.' What more 
can a poor sinner do? The Master requires no 
more. The atonement of Christ, how interes- 
ting to my soul; and the mediation of the ex- 
alted Jesus, how precious! But why need I 
speak of Christ in a divided sense? He is a 
whole and perfect Savior. He is every thing 
to my soul. I need nothing else for salvation. 
As I behold and gaze upon Him, he increases^ 
and I decrease. What John said of Jesus, ^ He 
must increase, but I must decrease,' is true of 
my daily experience. How poor am I in every 
thing that would commend one to God, and 
how rich is He in all things! I am poorer 
this year, yea, this moment, in myself than I 
ever was before; but richer in faith, righteous- 
ness and true holiness. I can say with Paul, 
*I protest unto you that I die daily' to self- 
righteousness; but Jesus lives as I am cruci- 
fied in the flesh. I now know what Paul 
meant when he said, I have no confidence in 
the flesh.' 'The elder shall serve the younger.' 
This is being fulfilled in me. 'The elder,' the 
flesh, is serving 'the younger,' the spirit. Help 
me, my brother, to praise the Lord for his 
goodness and grace." 
11 



122 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 

With this extract I close my narrative. If 
the reader wishes to know my religious state 
now, I could say much; but I refer him to the 
closing paragraph. I still rest upon those 
precious doctrines and ideas, while the Holy 
Spirit is pleased to enlarge my views of them. 
I am a redeemed, saved sinner, trusting alone 
in Jesus for salvation. I have ceased to look 
into myself for anything to commend me to 
God. I turn away from every thing but 
Christ, and set him always before my face. I 
labor to promote his cause with my feeble in- 
strumentality; but there is no merit in it; it 
is done as a servant. I have had no conflicts 
since; because I have ceased to look at self, 
and I look at none but Jesus. He is able and 
willing to save me, and I have given my soul 
into his hands. In him, reader, if you are a 
Christian, we shall stand in the last day 
'^ without fault before the throne of God." 



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